Uncategorized

Mom And Dad, Murder… Children In Peril and Nicholas Cage Belting Out The Hokey Cokey

He certainly does, I’m not making that up he generally while he’s attempting to kill his children he belts out a rendition of the Hokey Cokey in traditional Nic Cage fashion… oh yeah the film, on with the review!

Mom and Dad stars well Nicholas Cage, Selma Blair, Zackary Arthur and Anne Winters as your typical bog standard suburban family, oh sorry might I add if you feel uneasy about child killing then please stop reading, I’m being serious just stop reading, oh you wanna read on? Well don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

So a mysterious static signal happens and all of a sudden thousands of parents kill their children, think Cell meets Cooties so anyway Selma Blair and Nic Cage attempt to kill their children played by Zackary Arthur and Anne Winters, the children have to attempt to stop their murdering psychopathic parents from doing so.

That’s pretty much it really, now let’s talk about the acting, you know full well what I’m on about yes I’m on about Nic Cage belting out the Hokey Cokey, that scene was the pinnacle highlight for me, I watched that scene for the first time and thought yep, that’s definitely sold it for me. The acting by Selma Blair though it’s pretty damn impressive as well but the real stars of the movie are the children.

They are so believable in this flick, points to them for sure, the older sister is good as is the little boy however, I do think they overdid with the child killing, I mean we see a fucking nine year old little girl get mercilessly wrecked by a meat tenderiser, yep… that happens, we also see a preteen get stabbed by some car keys by his own mother, yep again that happens, the film is billed as a black comedy and I whole heartedly support that statement.

The film has its fair share of gore but then the characters will throw in a witty one liner and you find yourself laughing your ass off, so Mom And Dad is a gory fucking hilarious movie trust me Nicholas Cage’s performance has to be witnessed I’m not making this shit up when I say overacting, I give Mom And Dad a 9/10 it’s brilliant it’s gory and damn hilarious too but as always guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

Uncategorized

Basket Case…. It’s Good But It’s Not Quite Carling

I love cheesy 70s and 80s horror, films like Sleepaway Camp, you know them sort of movies, those films are good but their not up there with the big boys which makes them enjoyable, because their different they don’t have the same horror tropes we see in today’s horror movies, sure their gory and they have the same shock value but I love the cheesy visual effects, films like Altered States, great film but really bad visual effects, Eraserhead great David Lynch film but cheesy visual effects.

Basket Case falls in to that category I mean I enjoyed it, it was good, thanks to thedevilsdvdbin for suggesting this film, go check out their blog they review some pretty good movies, anyway Basket Case was enjoyable, the effects were sub par and the story line is your bog standard revenge plot, conjoined twins get separated at birth against their will, and plot to get back at the doctor that performed the operation.

What I mean it’s good but not quite Carling is that well, I did enjoy it I really did, but I thought that it was over really fast, the run time of around 90 minutes flies by, this is one of those movies where if your in a rush and your going out and you want a quick movie to watch then Basket Case is the type of movie, I mentioned David Lynch in the first paragraph well this film reminds you of a David Lynch type movie, I’m guessing that the Basket Case’s director drew some sort of inspiration from the Blue Velvet director (that’s another brilliant film definitely check that out)

I give Basket Case a solid 8/10 it’s great just over really really quick in my opinion, again thanks to thedevilsdvdbin for suggesting this to me, this is going on my favourite films of all time list but as always guys catch ya later 🙂

Uncategorized

What The What????

Most of you on here know my distaste for Eli Roth’s movies basically for those of you who don’t know Eli Roth’s movies they are basically very very disgusting, oh and very very gory as well, I’ve said in many other reviews on here that I can take gore, but Eli Roth’s movies are that of a level that I really cannot tolerate, basically my gag reflex kicks in and I switch off around the forty minute mark.

That being said I watched a few trailers recently and one came up for a film called The House With A Clock In It’s Walls, the film follows a ten year old boy called Lewis (played by Owen Viccario) he goes and stays with his uncle (played by Jack Black) and also his neighbour (played by Cate Blanchett)

*record scratch* yes you heard me… no your hearing does not need to be tested I did in fact say Jack Black and Cate Blanchett, now where was I *furiously looks through notes* ah yes.

Lewis unleashes the undead on a small sleepy town and discovers the truth of why the house has a clock in its walls. Now your now probably wondering what in gods name has this got to do with Eli Roth, oh sorry I should add it’s being distributed by Amblin, you know, that Stephen Spielberg company who made E.T and Jurassic Park yeah them.

Right what I was going to say was Eli Roth is directing it.

No once again your hearing doesn’t need testing yes you heard me correctly Eli Roth is directing a children’s movie…. I’ll say it again…. Eli Roth is directing a children’s movie.

After hearing this I was bemused, I was shocked and I was like wait what? The guy who directed Cabin Fever and Hostel and The Green Inferno is directing a children’s movie, so watching the trailer I thought right here we go the goryness is coming any minute….. now! Any minute now! But alas there is no gore, this actually looks really good it’s like The Spiderwick Chronicles and Goosebumps had unprotected coitus and produced this movie.

The film hits cinemas in September and your damn well right I’ll be there. My god… I’m actually looking forward to seeing an Eli Roth movie…. wow 2018 is proving to be a really really weird year, anyway guys catch ya later 🙂

Uncategorized

Amityville Horror House

Not a review but more of a history-cum-unsolved crime post, and it’s an interesting one.

Now for those of you who don’t know about the Amityville house let me tell you, basically you had the DeFeo family that consisted of five members, one of them was Ronald Defeo Jr. he went on a murdering spree and killed all of his family. He shot them with a .35 Marlin Rifle.

This is a Marlin 35 caliber rifle, this is the weapon (not the one pictured) that Ronald Defeo shot his family with. While investigating police discovered something that would soon be puzzling, the family showed no sign of struggle nor were there any sign of poisoning in their system, even the neighbours never heard the gun shots what’s even more puzzling to me is how bloody close the neighbours houses were as seen herelook how close the neighbours houses are, 112 Ocean Avenue is in the middle, what’s even more baffling is the only noise the neighbours heard was the family dog barking.

Baffling isn’t it, but wait there’s more baffling evidence, even the family never heard the gunshots. I’m going to attach a link to a YouTube video that I want you guys to see the video in question is the rifle, just forward it a bit and then you’ll hear the sheer noise of this rifle, watch it and ask yourself… how in gods name did the family/neighbours not even hear the gunshots from this powerful gun https://youtu.be/lGG6n4UGRGY

Judging by the sound it’s amazing that no one heard this at all just the dog barking. I would love to hear your guys thoughts on this and your opinions on this absolutely baffling unsolved mystery. But anyway guys until next time catch ya later

Uncategorized

A Quiet Place… Definitely One Of The Most Scariest Movies In Recent Time

Yep… it’s true… I went there, this really is one of the most scariest films in recent memory, directed by John Krasinski and starring John Krasinski, Emily Blunt, Millicent Simmonds and Noah Jupe.

The film follows the Abbott family trying to stay silent in a post apocalyptic world where blind creatures who are attracted by sound stalk and attack them. Now when I say sound I mean every single sound known to man these creatures can hear, this is what makes the film so terrifying, you are holding your breath every time a character moves or even drops something, for instance there’s a scene in the opening act, the family are in a pharmacy gathering medicine for the second youngest Marcus played by Noah Jupe, who looks like he has the flu, while gathering supplies the sister played by Millicent Simmonds, reaches for a toy for her younger brother Beau played by Cade Woodward, while reaching for the toy it slips from the shelf and narrowly misses hitting the floor.

You’ve seen this part in the trailer where their on the bridge and Beau starts playing with the toy, he is then attacked by the creatures or one of them to be precise, right now I did go and see this at the cinema which really is recommended, it’s a silent horror movie with only a little dialogue between the characters, after all they all communicate in sign language, the reason I’m telling you to go see it in the cinema is because you hear everything!!! And I mean everything!!! I did the fatal mistake of bringing a pack of Revels (their like a mish mash of different types of chocolate) now I tried okay I tried to open it as quietly and I would like to apologise to my local cinema goers who were sadly in that screen with me and my pack of noisy Revels.

Let me just say the almighty death stares cometh when your in the cinema if you cough death stares, you move death stares, you even whisper boom you guessed it death stares, coming out of the cinema when the film had finished and everyone was silent, one guy put his rubbish in the bin and it made a loud rustling noise, everyone looked round and yep you pretty much guessed it, death stares one guy yelled out “well done dude smooth, you’ve killed us all”

I came home put my keys in the door as silently as I could and walked through my house as silently as I could… this film ruined me mentally, as I’m typing this now I’m trying to be as silent as I can.

A quiet place is absolutely terrifying to say the least, the acting is amazing, the plot is amazing, to be fair John Krasinski is possibly one to watch out for with horror movies because this is one of the best films I have seen at the cinema this year by far final rating 10/10 it’s scary enough said, but as always guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

Uncategorized

The Titan… Plot Holes Aplenty Fill This Bog Standard Body Horror Sci Fi Whatever This Film Was Meant To Be

This is one of the films where you have to laugh because of how predictable it is, also with the amount of plot holes this film has, the film stars Sam Worthington in an Katherine forgetful role, Taylor Schilling plays his wife and rising star child actor Noah Jupe plays their son.

Sam Worthington plays Rick Janssen who was previously a war pilot in the conflict in Syria, he is chosen by Professor Martin played by Tom Wilkinson, basically scientists have found a moon on Saturn called Titan, they believe that humans can adapt and procreate on this moon by undergoing a series of changes to turn them in to a meta human, he undergoes the first part of treatment then his wife starts noticing several changes, for instance he can hold his breathe underwater for forty minutes, and can swim faster than any other human.

She also finds that his veins are turning black, she starts becoming suspicious of the treatment her husband is receiving and starts investigating. Right I’m stopping the plot details there because not a lot happens a few people here and there die and Rick becomes a meta human and tries to kill his family and the guys that treated him.

Right, now what was wrong with this movie, oh boy where to begin number uno, Titan… we know that it’s a moon on Saturn we learn about the gasses it has on the planet, that’s it… that’s all we learn about Titan, secondly Ricks wife basically tries to stop the scientists from treating Rick, basically trying to halt the treatment and to stop them from sending him to Titan… only when the end of the film comes oh guess whose on Titan… yep you guessed it Rick! In the end he does go to Titan, after all his wife tried to do she still gave the all clear to let him go.

Which brings me on to my third point… why the hell did she slip saline inject him with it so he could escape once he became the meta human, cried when the guards tried to take him away to send to Titan only to then send him up there anyway! This film was abysmal I mean it was everything that’s wrong with a sci-fi film these days Jesus Christ on a bike we never hear from Titan again nor do we get any mention of why Titan might be inhabitable.

Seriously give this film a miss, the acting is appalling, Sam Worthington is really really bad in this movie as is the actress who plays his wife, even Tom Wilkinson was awful, now don’t get me wrong I’ve seen the kid act in a few other films most recently Wonder and Suburbicon but even he is not that great, and I’m prone to praise child actors but good god my ten year old brother could act better than some of these people in this film… final rating 0/10 the acting and the plot are terrible, let me tell you I was happy when the credits rolled excelsior! I cried thank god that’s over as I turned to my sister who was laughing at the ridiculousness of what we watched.

But anyway guys until next time I will catch ya later my dudes!!!!

Uncategorized

The Devil’s Rejects…. Who The Hell Requested This Movie Too Me!!!

I can take gore… no really I can… Cabin In The Woods that’s gory and I can take that…. the Final Destination franchise…. gory but again I can take that, The Devil’s Rejects take gore and raises it to 100% it’s disgusting like proper unfit for the squeamish gory, I’m squeamish okay I’ll admit but sorry excuse my language but fuck me sideways and call me Clive this film is just absolutely disgusting, I was gagging half of the time during this.

Now I’ve never seen a Rob Zombie movie and quite frankly after this film I don’t plan too, Rob Zombie’s films remind me of Eli Roth’s movies, you have to have a strong stomach to journey through Eli Roth’s movies, take Cabin Fever to this day I still can’t watch it because I feel physically sick to my stomach, The Green Inferno I can’t watch that at all, I switched it off at the forty minute mark. Now this film was requested to me via Twitter (@jackblake151 if you want to request a film to me) I got a message in my inbox saying in big capital letters DEVIL’S REJECTS!!!!! thank me later…. well thank you to whomever sent that request as I am now feeling very very sick indeed.

now by all means I’m not slating this movie I just didn’t like the gore at all, story wise it’s good and the acting by the anti heroes are great as well, sadly the gore let’s it down, although shout out to the child actor whose meant to look terrified but instead looks like he’s cracking up with laughter at the sight of his mum getting brutally knocked out by the clown character, so any who final rating…. I give this film a poorly 3/10 The plot is great and the acting is great as well however sadly the gore let’s it down immensely anyway guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

Uncategorized

Triangle………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

How……. What……….. what………… Triangle.

I…. I don’t even know where to begin with this film, even now as I type this I’m like what!!?? Huh what just happened. I’m going to try and explain the plot as I go while it’s still fresh in my mind, right so there’s a woman called jess who has an autistic son, now she goes on a yacht trip with a few friends, they encounter a storm and come across a cruise ship. Okay now this is where you are going to get lost so please try and follow okay, okay good.

So we open up on Jess cleaning up and saying to her son who is clearly distressed crying his eyes out, Jess tells him it’s a bad dream and to forget what happened, she then puts a suitcase in to the car and “drives” to the harbour, the air quotes will make sense trust me that’s not a typo. So off she goes to the harbour and boards the yacht, while they get caught in a storm and hear a “distress signal” again air quotes not a typo, so after the storm they come across a cruise ship. Oh did I mention about the doorbell ringing, no? Well the doorbell rings at Jess’s home she answers and no one is there.

They board the boat after seeing someone on board, remember this, oh remember the opening scene as well just pay really good attention, anyway they find no one on board, as they search the boat they come across Jess’s keys, confused they start hearing noises such as footsteps, now a guy called Victor checks out the noises, the rest of the group join in the theatre, Jess hangs back as Victor comes back with blood pouring from his head, angry he tries to strangle Jess, she then kills Victor, after hearing a gunshot she runs to the theatre to see one of the group has been shot, then suddenly a stranger in a burlap mask shoots the reaming group, Jess is still alive and goes on the run, she comes across the burlap person and a fight ensues, Jess wins, only for the burlap stranger to say “they will return and when they do kill them”

All of a sudden we here cries for help and then we meet our characters as they were when their yacht got overturned in the storm… remember when they saw someone on the boat… well that was Jess… you still with me clause let me tell you we haven’t even gotten started yet. So Jess and her gang from the yacht board the boat again, Jess who… see I can’t even explain it in words, it’s so confusing. Basically Victor was injured by Jess, that Jess was the one whose keys were found, there’s thing thing about a loop, and to end it Jess must kill the people who we see die in the first half.

Now she ends up completing the loop and turns out she was the one who was in the burlap sack, she falls over board and wakes up ashore on a beach, she runs home to her son, but wait it turns out that we are back in the opening scene… are still with me here!!!!! My god please let me know if you are still following me… anyway Jess goes and kills the Jess we saw in the opening scene, it turns out that Jess is the one who said to her son it’s just a bad dream…. thus leading to her dropping the suitcase of previous Jess’s body in to her car, now she drives with her son in the car, while driving they hit a seagull, trust me the seagull is pivotal at this moment!! Just bear with me people I’m trying!!! Jess dumps the seagull over in to the sand thus we see a whole dead pile of seagulls indicating that Jess is still in a loop, anyway off they go then they have a crash both Jess and her son die, then we see yet another Jess!!!!!!!!! who says to a cab driver drop me off at the harbour, to which we see the very start of the movie where Jess boards the boat!!!!!

*out of breath breathing…. my god.

This film… oh god this film was…. was…. so confusing, it makes inception look like a walk in the park… oh boy… please comment if this confused you, final rating 10/10 it’s amazing it’s confusing, it’s a wild ride let me tell you, anyway guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

Uncategorized

Flatliners…. Just Why

There are some remakes that are destined to be remade, and then there are some that bestow that old age saying and I quote “don’t fix what isn’t broken” Flatliners falls in to is category, sure the original which was released way back in the early 90s was okay at best but this is still one film that should never ever be remade like ever.

Flatliners follows the story of college grad students who undertake an experiment, which is basically to die experience the afterlife and then be bought back to life only for them to start hallucinating and seeing things. Now sounds interesting, the nineties version is fantastic regarding the story, pacing and visuals, this 2017 remake looks cheesy, tacky and just really really bad visually, trust me read my Dark Tower review and you will see that I hated that movie, this movie, oh boy hate isn’t even the word to describe this movie, it was garbage absolute garbage, the pacing seemed fast and the visuals were god awfully terrible the acting was…. pardon my potty mouth but SHIT!!!!!

This is only a short review because there is nothing else to say about this movie don’t waste your money and go see Blade Runner (which far superior than this pile of horseshit) Final rating 0/10 it’s awful anyway guys I’ll catch ya later 🙂

Uncategorized

YES YES YES YES PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! I am so hyped right now it’s just come out this week and IT director Andy Muschietti is in the run in for a Pet Semetary remake…… yes you heard me correctly one of my favourite Stephen King novels could be remade.

Can you tell I am excited like honestly Pet Semetary is probably one of my favourite King novels and to hear that the director of IT may be directing it, after waiting for the sequel to be green lit which in all fairness is going to be considering that IT is still smashing box office records, Muschietti has said that he would love to direct it because he feels the the original wasn’t true to the source material.

In all fairness I loved the original, it was creepy and all round terrifying, but to see a modern adaptation happen one could only dream, this is one of the movies I really wanted to be remade, that and Misery and a Cujo remake but hey let’s not get to excited, as Guillermo Del Toro says he wants to direct, personally I want the IT director as he did IT justice and kept it true to the book, Del Toro on the other hand has made some gems in his day however I myself didn’t like Pacific Rim or Crimson Peak, but loved Pans Labyrinth.

While this may be a rumour I sincerely hope it isn’t as I want this film to be remade for sure, phew!! Okay that’s my excitement vented out, anyway what’s everyone’s favourite Stephen King book for me it has to be Carrie or Needful Things…… hey……. Needful Things……. there’s another King adaption that has to be made damn someone get on to Hollywood now! this is a great idea. Anyway guys until next time catch ya later 🙂