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Oh God… Oh God… Oh God… Michael Bay What Have You Done!

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Michael Bay… you may remember him from such films as Transformers, and The Rock… and Armageddon.

Great films weren’t they, sure they were filled with unnecessary explosions and blinding sunsets, but… hey they were great films to say the least.

Now for those of you who have children, or if your like me you work with children as well as volunteer with children, you may or may not have heard them say things like “rizz” or “bussin” or “no cap on god”

If you do not work with children or at least volunteer with them allow me to explain what those words mean.

*ahem*

Rizz… charisma, “bro got that rizz” basically it means you have charisma, and an ability to woo the opposite sex such as a woman.

Bussin… basically means it’s good, “yo man that quesadilla be bussin” translates to “I say my good man this quesadilla is good”

No cap on god… translates to “your outfit is great no lie I swear to god”

Caught up? Good

By now you’re probably wondering “jack… where is this going”? Or “oh my god, are you okay”?

I’m fine… no really I’m fine.

Now curious question… have you guys heard of Skibidi Toilet? No… well… thank god, keep it that way.

As the old saying goes curiosity killed the cat, that is exactly what happened with me, allow me to explain.

I’m a Cub Scout leader, I’ve been doing that for eight years, just the other week I had a boy come up to me and simply went to me “skibidi” confused I said “what”? The boy then replied “bro got that Skibidi Ohio Rizz, what the sigma”

See that face you’re making now… that look of complete and utter confusion… yeah that was the exact face I made.

I have zero clue what that boy meant, until he told me about Skibidi Toilet, as I said before my curiosity got the better of me, I sat down that very same night and watched Skibidi Toilet.

It is literally a toilet, with a poorly animated blokes head sticking out of it, and all he says is and I quote “Skibidi dib dib dib, Skibidi dop dop dop”

Yeah Michael Bay is making that in to a movie…

No… I am not making that up… my god I really wish I was making that up but… I’m not, it’s true… according to Variety a film or tv show is in the works.

My good god.

This generation are a different breed, generation alpha I’m not going to lie but… I am actually scared of them.

The stuff they say, the things they watch… I don’t get it, back when I was a kid it was Charlie Bit My Finger and Charlie The Unicorn, all the kids in my school if there was a kid called Charlie we would yell “Charlie…. Charlie…. Candy mountain Charlie…”

It was stupid but we loved it, but just how have we gone from a baby biting his big brother’s finger, to… a man’s head in a toilet singing god knows what.

It’s weird… but kids of today love it, it’s literally taken the world by storm, there’s merchandise, heck someone out there had written fan fiction for crying out loud.

Its become this massive cultural phenomenon and no one knows how nor why, there’s now lore behind some of the characters, one of the kids at my Cub Scout group come dressed as TV Man, a character from part seven.

Yes! Part seven, there’s now an all out war between Skibidi Toilet and another race of characters, seriously the kids I see on the street talk about it, like they talk about it like it’s the second coming of Jesus Christ.

I’d love to explain just how and why this Skibidi Toilet became popular but the answer to that is… I simply do not know.

It’s this weird cultural phenomenon that I can’t even grasp why it’s become that.

Now Michael Bay wants to make either a film or a tv series based on this.

I can’t be the only one who just doesn’t get it right? If any parents are reading this please enlighten me! I need answers goddammit!

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to rinse my eyes out, and pinch myself… because hopefully what I’ve read and seen was all a dream… I hope.

Until next time guys, catch ya later 🙂

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Good Boys: A Kid Friendly Version Of Superbad…. Just Remove The Friendly

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

This movie is kinda like a car crash, you want to look away but can’t. It’s effective in doing that because I a twenty four year old who has a twelve year old brother just like the kids in this flick are, couldn’t even look at the screen… tell a lie I did.

Now my brother has begun secondary school, which for those in the US that’s basically middle school/high school, he has two mates who come round here almost every week, recently they had a sleepover and they had a laugh talking about video games and all sorts, they even head down to the beach and have a laugh and giggle about stuff that happened in school that very same week.

Now your probably wondering why I’m telling you this, trust me it’ll make so much sense now, I can relate to this film on a level that can’t even comprehend.

Good Boys follows three best mates Jacob Tremblay plays Max, a twelve year old boy whose never kissed a girl before, Brady Noon plays Thor who earns the name sippy cup on account that he wouldn’t drink a bottle of beer, and Keith L. Williams who plays Lucas whose parents are going through a divorce.

Now… the jokes/comedy run riot, the naivety of these twelve year olds are hilarious, especially where one of the boys raids his parents belongings and begin to arm themselves against a guy whose coming to purchase a rare card which Lucas owns, this scene in particular is hilarious because of what the boys load up on, anal beads which they assume is nunchucks, another reason why this scene is downright hilarious is because Jacob Tremblay’s character stands in doorway as they greet the potential buyer wearing a gimp mask, I mean a gimp mask, they got a twelve year old boy to wear a gimp mask.

Trust me this film really put me on edge as when I got back from the movies my brother said he’s going out with the two friends as mentioned above, immediately I was panicking, what is he doing, where is he going and what kind of shenanigans are they going to get up too.

I absolutely loved this film, mainly because it’s by the same team who bought us Sausage Party and Superbad, but because of the comedy that ensues during the ninety minute runtime, the jokes come thick and fast, one minute you’ll be wetting yourselves laughing next you’ll be going aww, I give this film a solid 10/10 it’s hilarious and heartwarming but parents be warned as you will be watching your preteens a little closer after viewing this movie, anyway as always catch you guys later 🙂

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What The What????

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Most of you on here know my distaste for Eli Roth’s movies basically for those of you who don’t know Eli Roth’s movies they are basically very very disgusting, oh and very very gory as well, I’ve said in many other reviews on here that I can take gore, but Eli Roth’s movies are that of a level that I really cannot tolerate, basically my gag reflex kicks in and I switch off around the forty minute mark.

That being said I watched a few trailers recently and one came up for a film called The House With A Clock In It’s Walls, the film follows a ten year old boy called Lewis (played by Owen Viccario) he goes and stays with his uncle (played by Jack Black) and also his neighbour (played by Cate Blanchett)

*record scratch* yes you heard me… no your hearing does not need to be tested I did in fact say Jack Black and Cate Blanchett, now where was I *furiously looks through notes* ah yes.

Lewis unleashes the undead on a small sleepy town and discovers the truth of why the house has a clock in its walls. Now your now probably wondering what in gods name has this got to do with Eli Roth, oh sorry I should add it’s being distributed by Amblin, you know, that Stephen Spielberg company who made E.T and Jurassic Park yeah them.

Right what I was going to say was Eli Roth is directing it.

No once again your hearing doesn’t need testing yes you heard me correctly Eli Roth is directing a children’s movie…. I’ll say it again…. Eli Roth is directing a children’s movie.

After hearing this I was bemused, I was shocked and I was like wait what? The guy who directed Cabin Fever and Hostel and The Green Inferno is directing a children’s movie, so watching the trailer I thought right here we go the goryness is coming any minute….. now! Any minute now! But alas there is no gore, this actually looks really good it’s like The Spiderwick Chronicles and Goosebumps had unprotected coitus and produced this movie.

The film hits cinemas in September and your damn well right I’ll be there. My god… I’m actually looking forward to seeing an Eli Roth movie…. wow 2018 is proving to be a really really weird year, anyway guys catch ya later 🙂

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Absolutely disgusting!!!

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Okay for anybody in the U.K. reading this you might know what has just happened, a court in London has come out and said that a two year old child’s life support is to be switched off…. yes…. you heard me a child’s life support is to be switched off.

Two year old Alfie Evans kept on having seizures and has since been undiagnosed with this mysterious illness, Alfie’s parents have tried fighting for his life, after hearing about treatment in Italy and Munich that can help this poor little boy get the help he deserves, sadly the hospital and the courts today have denied he gets this treatment and the help this poor child so desperately needs, instead the hospital Alder Hey and the courts have decided that this Friday poor Alfie’s life support will be switched off and the child will sadly die!

This is absolutely disgusting my heart goes out to the parents at this terrible and heartbreaking time I wish there was Merle I could do to help, I have signed a petition online trying and attempting to help Alfie be released from Alder Hey CHILDREN’S hospital, yes I capitalised the children’s part because this is what Alder Hey are they are a children’s hospital they are all about saving the lives of children yet they want to let this child die, absolutely horrific.

To my followers wherever you are I say this… sign this petition for gods sake sign it here’s the link please for the love of god sign it, get this poor little boy the he desperately needshttps://www.change.org/p/we-demand-alder-hey-to-release-alfie-evans-to-a-hospital-of-his-parents-choice please sign this petition

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Goodbye Christopher Robin, Emotional, Nostalgic, Eye Opening And Down Right Interesting

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Now I am going to be completely honest here with you now…. I loved Winnie The Pooh….. there I said it I loved Winnie the Pooh growing up, I remember the movies, the TV shows that came out I remember everything about Winnie the Pooh, I watched the trailer for this film way back in September and I’m not going to lie but I cried a little, I mean it was nostalgic hearing the names of the Winnie the Pooh characters, but what this film does is explains how the books and the relationship of Christopher Robin and A.A Milne were like and how they came about the idea of writing Winnie the Pooh.

To be honest I had an idea what the relationship between A.A Milne and Christopher Robin were like basically cut a long story short Christopher Robin whose real name was Billy Moone wanted his father to write a book, originally Milne wanted to write a book about the First World War and how it has affected people, Christopher Robin wanted Milne to write a book for him and so he did, inventing the honey loving bear we all know and love and have shown it to many of our children and grandchildren.

As time went on Christopher was getting famous Milne was making money and Christopher was hating it, he became resentful of his father and was not liking his new found fame as a famous character in the world famous books, he hated having to do interviews for papers and radio thus his reason for hating his father.

The film is terrific and sheds some light on the origin of Pooh Bear…. okay can we ignore the fact that I called him Pooh bear please thank you…. anywho I loved this film it’s emotional near the ending as an older Robin forgives Milne after Robin is found to have gone missing while serving in the war, it does pack an emotional punch especially for people who remember Winnie the Pooh growing up, now for the acting well 10/10 for the acting let’s talk about the cast. So Domnhall Gleeson plays A.A Milne, Margot Robbie plays his wife and newcomer Will Tilston plays the younger Christopher Robin with Alex Lawther playing the older Christopher Robin, all in all Goodbye Christopher Robin is an absolute classic in my eyes it’s an eye opening story and a good little history lesson for those who are interested I give this film a solid 10/10 anyway guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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Wonderstruck, One Of The Most Artistic, Visually Impressive Movies I Have Ever Seen

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

I have never seen a film so visually stunning as Wonderstruck, this is the best film I have seen in years, it’s amazing Todd Haynes you creative genius, this is the most artistic most visually stunning film one that that you should definitely check out this year.

The film stars Oakes Fegley as Ben and Millicent Simmonds as Rose, the film is set in two different time periods and let me tell you the transition between them is absolutely breathtaking, we follow Ben in the tail end of the seventies and Rose in the tail end of the twenties neither of them are related but they both have the same desire, to meet a relative they haven’t seen in years Ben with his dad and Rose with her mum who is an actress in New York, both run away from home, and both end up in New York, what I love about this film is the time jumps, for instance when Rose is in the 20s in New York we see Ben in the exact location where Rose was all them years ago.

I want to give a shout out the cinematographer who transitions between colour and black and white perfectly, the seventies have sound while all the black and white scenes are like a silent movie which is amazing, also Carter Burwell who does an outstanding job with the soundtrack, going back and fourth between 20s music and 70s music, also a big shoutout to the child actors Oakes Fegley and Millicent Simmonds, they are outstanding in this film and play their parts perfectly, the film follows them on their journey amazingly and the film captures the emotion of both child actors, also Millicent Simmonds I actually didn’t know is actually deaf in real life something I did not know but after watching interviews with her found out that.

Sticking with the child actors, I honestly think they done an amazing job, everyone who worked on this film needs to be applauded, the cinematographer Edward Lachman is possibly my new favourite cinematographer the way he films is amazing and also Carter Burwell’s breathtaking musical score is phenomenal a proper eargasm for the ears.

If I could rate Wonderstruck it would have to receive possibly the highest I have ever given on here… a massive well deserved 100% this film was visually stunning an absolute classic for the eyes and ears and a film I hope people will be talking about for years to come, that’s all guys definitely check this film out but as always guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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Technology Has It Gotten Worse Or Has It Improved

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Again I’m not reviewing a movie I am once again tackling something that really grates on me… technology, I.e iPhones and iPads smartphones and silly gadgets that help improve your smartphone screen… why am I bringing this up, because I watched a video recently titled “pictures to make you feel old” and on there was photos of gadgets I had when I was knee high to a grass hopper…. Christ did I just really say that damn I am old.

I was born in 1995 on a Valentine’s Day one of the most romantic times of the year… still single…. anywho technology since the year I was born has changed dramatically, we’ve had iPod touches and iPhones galore, since then everyone has become a screen zombie, I watched a film recently called Cell waste of time to be honest with you it was crap, in that film hackers hack in to phones and make people turn in to bloodthirsty rabid foaming-at-mouths zombies, and it got me thinking…. damn that’s scary, think about it we use our phones everyday and night, we listen to music on them, heck we even watch videos of funny cats, but the reason I’m talking about this is because we’ve gotten so attached to our screens that we don’t even know what’s going on around us.

Who remembers the good old days when Tamagotchi’s were dominating the playground and the indestructible Nokia phone was cracking pavements and VHS tapes were still a thing. Story time… I recently had someone come up to me with a video cassette in hand and I kid you not this kid said to me “where’s the screen so I can watch the film” let me tell you I was shocked, children are the future, they could be future leaders and politicians future scientists finding the cure for cancer, but sadly technology is stopping them from achieving that, I was at a party and every single child was on their phone, worst of all they were bloody texting each other, their in the same bloody room.

This brings me on to another subject and that’s couples, couples should be talking with another getting to know one another, but recently I’ve seen couples constantly on their phone, instagramming it up adding filters to their food… okay I admit I do this but I take one photo put it away and edit it when I get in. I was in the cinema recently watching Jumanji 2 (review coming soon) and all I could see was the glow emanating from smart phones, one woman even had her ringtone blare out at one pivotal part of the film, your out with your family put the phone away, communicate with each other, spark up a conversation with a stranger, just get off your phone… okay rant over so until next time guys catch ya later 🙂

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Bullying

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Sadly I’m not reviewing a movie at all today I’m here writing about something that has been floating around the internet as off last week and the week before, as you are aware the controversy surrounding a boy in Texas has many people questioning if this is an actual kid who made a video because he was getting bullied by kids in his school or was it something racially motivated… yeah it’s that kind of story… this is the story of Keaton Jones.

Keaton posted a video online earlier this month crying his eyes out saying that the kids in his school are bullying him, so after the video went viral thousands upon thousands of celebrities gave support to this kid even Captain America’s Chris Evans came out and offered Keaton tickets to The Avengers Infinity War premier next year… then after a week of support things started coming to light i.e. Keaton’s mum’s Facebook posts, her children posing with the Confederate flag, which to people who don’t know this but most people believe it to be a sign of racism and slavery back in the day. When this came out everybody and I mean everybody on Facebook and Twitter voiced their outcry at this, a celebrity came out and posted a picture of a conversation between him and Keaton’s mum stating that she only wants money nothing else, alarm bells started ringing when this came out, and thousands of people turned on Keaton, calling him racist, calling him really awful names, and comparing him to sloth from the goonies.

Why am I writing about this your wondering because these are rumours people need to stop jumping on the bandwagon, his sister has come out and denied the allegations about the racism but people are quick to judge because of just one picture they saw on the internet, the mum has come out and publicly apologised stating that she and her children are not racists. But people still don’t believe him and his mum, and I think it’s horrible, to believe rumours spread by other people and jumping on the bandwagon. I am writing this because I hate bullies and I hate bullying of any shape or form, as someone who has been bullied before it’s not nice hearing stuff like this, I also read another thing, this from a YouTube video I watched recently titled boy had fidget spinner removed from finger… I clicked on it and he comments I saw were horrific, one user saying I hope he gets cancer because he owns a fidget spinner. Another said that he looked ugly and deserved to die, and this comment… this comment made me angry to the point I replied to the user and let rip at what he said.

What did he say I hear you cry, he said “mine craft top fidget spinner and long hair classic autistic child”… I have autism… and to hear people say that is heartbreaking, it got worse “if I had autism I would kill myself” “autistic kids deserve to die” “Fuck kids with autism they should all die”… that’s heartbreaking to read, as someone who has autism to hear someone say that is heartbreaking, it’s sad, and down right disrespectful, as I said in my Wonder review choose kind, and I have chosen kind and to hear to people say these things is hard to read, as I said before I hate bullies I hate bullying in any shape or form, verbal, physical, mental, and emotional bullying I hate it, and I urge people to speak up and tell people if they are being bullied if they see anyone being bullied tell someone, and if you are being bullied there are so many helplines and centres to go to and get help.

Let’s put an end to bullying, let’s end bullying once and for all, the world would be a much happier place if people stopped bullying each other and just got along, any way guys my apologies for making this post so depressing I just want to get a message out there to people who are getting bullied, just a few weeks ago a 10 year old girl committed suicide… 10! 10 years old and she killed herself just 10 years old and her life was cut short by bullies so please if you see anyone or know anyone who is getting bullied tell someone, tell a teacher or your parents. Anyway guys until next time catch ya later

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Wonder… One Of The Most Heartbreaking Films That Every Parent Needs Their Children To See

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

A film needs a good moral, take Disney, they have really good morals like believe in yourself and dreams can come true if you make them, Wonder has one of them morals that every parent needs to teach their children choose kindness, I speak from the heart with this one and this film affected me in way that no film has ever done before, I felt connected to the story because I have a brother who had a cleft lip and palate, and he went through so many surgeries to repair it that he’s left with a permanent scar on his lip, and on top of that he has ginger hair, a trait that bullies just adore, he’s ten going on eleven and he is everything to me, I love him more than anything in the world, as irritating as he may be he is still my brother and I am grateful to have him in my life.

I felt emotional during this movie mainly because of my brother but mostly due to the fact that this film tackles bullying a lot, something that I have been through in my childhood and all the way up until I was sixteen, I was bullied in primary school by a boy whose name I shall not mention but he made my life a living hell, he would throw my coat down the toilet, throw it in the girls bathroom, punch, kick and hit me, but the worst thing he did was made me out to look invisible to the whole class, no one would talk to me and I felt like an outsider to my class, exactly how Auggie feels in the movie.

Secondary school was a whole new kettle of fish, as this was the first time I had heard the word rumour, there were rumours about me left right and centre, year seven I was picked on by another boy, he would make me paranoid about the littlest things… okay I went to a special needs school and when you have special needs you take things quite literally, for instance year 9 came and the summer holidays were upon us, I spent every single day up in my room because this kid said he spoke to the headteacher/principal of the school and they were going to put me in the mental hospital, he said expect any day from now an ambulance coming for you. Summer 2009 was the worst summer ever because I was very very paranoid, so much so I developed a fear of ambulances, because I thought they were taking me away, and to this day I still do have a fear of ambulances, while not as big as when I was fourteen/fifteen the fear is still there.

Year 11 was the year I finally stood up to him (yeah it took me five years) I would just ignore him and if he said anything I would ignore him until it became such an issue with him, I remember this day like it was yesterday, because this was the day I found out why he bullied me for five years… he felt sorry for me!!!! I remember looking at him thinking “well that’s an odd way of showing someone that you feel sorry for them”

I have never spoken about this at all for years now that I’ve got it down in writing, parents I’m speaking to you, show your children this, talk to them make them feel like they have nothing to worry about, let them tell you everything word from word if they are getting bullied, and kids I say this, stand up! Stand up to the bullies who are picking on you because of what you look like or your hair colour or your fashion sense, stand up to those bullies and say I’m not afraid of you, you have nothing to worry about with bullies they are nothing don’t let them ruin your education, don’t take days off because the bully says he/she’s going to beat you up tomorrow, don’t fake being ill say something, say something to your parents, teachers, friends, family and even the headteacher/principal talk to any members of staff, they are there to help.

But most importantly choose kind, choose kindness, go out and do a good deed be friendly to people make someone’s day, this film teaches you to be kind and the moral is fantastic in this film, there’s a great quote that Julia Roberts’s character says in this film “your heart is the map to where you are going, the scars on your face is the map to where you’ve been” that is now my favourite quote of all time thanks to this film, trust me there’s more amazing quotes like “why blend in when you were born to stand out”

I give wonder a massive 10/10 the message in this movie is amazing and relatable to children who have been through bullying the acting is superb, massive praise for Jacob Tremblay who plays Auggie Pullman he does an outstanding job in this film as does the other cast members in this flick, but parents do me a massive favour show your children this film and get them to choose kindness, and if their being bullied talk to them. Until next time guys catch ya later 🙂 🙂 🙂

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