Tag: Horror

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Child’s Play (2019) I Was Not Expecting That

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Slasher movies… you either love or hate them I love them, Sleepaway Camp great, Friday The 13th great, Nightmare On Elm Street great, you get it I love slasher movies but… Child’s Play, Child’s Play is one of my favourite slasher movies of all time, so much so that I have the original on Blu-Ray and it’s fantastic, you see Chucky push a babysitter out of the window in glorious high definition and it’s fantastic!

When I heard they were remaking I must admit I had my doubts, like really had my doubts, remakes of horror films you have to get right if you deviate away from the original you are going to have a massive dud on your hands, Child’s Play isn’t that type of remake.

Let me explain, the formula is still there, murderous doll kills people, adults think it’s the kid the kid blames it on the doll and Bob’s your uncle Stacey’s your aunt Greg’s your cousin you have Child’s Play the formula is still there, and you have room for a sequel heck maybe even a franchise, deviate away from that formula and as I said before your going to have a dud, it’s the equivalent of saying Jason from Friday The 13th goes to space and kills some astronauts…. wait what? They did that already? No no no, right hold on let me check *furiously scours through internet* huh… well okay that’s like having alien face off against the predator in a sleepy town where they kill loads of innocent people…. don’t tell they’ve done that as well!

You see look how those films turned out they sucked because they took the formula and they changed it, Jason belongs on a campsite not in space, aliens and predator don’t belong on earth they belong in space, it’s like if Chucky got married and had a child they’ve already done that haven’t they? Damn! What I’m trying to say is stick to the formula and don’t change it.

Child’s Play 2019 while it does change the formula just for the opening scene I might add we don’t have a serial killer possess a good guy doll no, instead we have a disgruntled worker in Vietnam who makes a doll called Buddi they are part of a company called Kazlan the Buddi doll can connect to any Kazlan smart device sounds pretty fancy what could go wrong I hear you ask well this Vietnamese worker is falling behind on the productivity and his toy making quota is low so his boss berates him and out of anger he switches every safety feature on a buddi doll off.

We then get a look at our new Andy Barclay played by Gabriel Bateman (whose sister believe it or not was in the Annabelle sequel Annabelle 2) now I’ve seen this kid in a few other things mainly American Gothic a highly, massively underrated show which lasted one or two seasons but the one horror film I have seen him in was an underrated flick called Lights Out which really messed me up big time.

We then get our new Karen Barclay played amazingly by Aubrey Plaza and then, then we have the main character the one the only Chucky! Terrifyingly played by Mark Hamill, now when I say terrifyingly I mean damn Hamill’s voice sends shivers and chills down the back of your spine, specially when he sings the buddi song *shudders*

Now there is also some really dark humour in this flick also and the kills oh my god the kills are genius, there’s one where a guy gets his face ripped off by a lawn mower, the acting is amazing especially by the new Andy Barclay.

Child’s Play 2019 was an absolute treat to watch, it was surprisingly really really good the kazlan mart scene holy mother of Christ that scene was brutal.

I give Child’s Play 2019 a massive 10/10 it was amazing and you guys should definitely check this one out

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A Serbian Film… Yep… I Watched It

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

I feel wrong.

This is by far the most vile movie ever, as I said in my Irréversible review I love foreign cinema, now I heard about this films from various people, and they told me what’s in store for me if I ever decided to watch it, my oh my how I immediately regret watching this film.

A Serbian Film follows an adult film actor who is hired to do various “things” now, I am going to go in to some very very very very very very disgusting material so for the love of all things holy if you suffer from a nervous disposition the please… stop fucking reading!!!!

In a scene the actor is told to perform a sexual act, sounds tame I hear you say ha ha ha I laugh at your naivety ha ha ha!!! No he is asked to perform sex on a new born baby…. yes….. you read that right…. no I am not making that up…. he is asked to perform a sexual act on a newborn fucking baby!!! Oh believe me it gets a whole lot fucking worse!!! How? As I watch you cower in fear and adopt the fetal position! Well soon after he is then asked to perform sex on….. a dead corpse…… no again you read that right…. there’s necrophelia in this god forsaken shitshow.

To make matters worse the end of the film is horrid!!! He’s asked to shag his wife again sounds tame you say it’s not that bad ha ha ha!!! Again I laugh at you…. ha ha ha ha!!!! No let’s throw in there a six year old little boy. Again you read that right! He’s forced to shag his wife and six year old son, angered by this he shoots himself, his wife and son.

The closing line for this movie is when a guy walks in unzips his trousers and to which the director says, start with the young one.

A Serbian Film ladies and gentlemen!!!

Good god almighty I feel dirty I feel wrong, this is by far the most vilest movie I have ever seen, it’s definitely got some shock value in there definitely!!! This movie is fifty shades of wrong! The director should be checked for mental health issues because who in their right mind would even conjure up a movie like this!!! It’s sick!!! Absolutely fucking vile!!! It’s one of them films that stay with you long after the credits have finished rolling, like ewww!!!! This films gets a 0/10 because of the things I’ve seen in that movie are fucking disgusting, do not watch this vile movie!!!! It’s fucking wrong!!!! Like wrong on so many levels… ewww!!!!!! Now if you’ll excuse me I need to wash my eyes!!! Goodbye catch ya fucking later!!!!

*storms off while mumbling under breath*

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The House That Jack Built…

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Sometimes a film comes along and downright shocks you, films like Human Centipede *shudders* films like A Serbian Film (so many things wrong with that film) but then a film comes along where you can’t decide whether to stop watching and switch it off or keep watching it and see where it takes you, The House That Jack Built is one of those movies and believe as much as I wanted to switch it off I thought NO!!!! I’m not going too, what followed was possibly the most hardest film I’ve had to sit through, number one was my sisters school choir recital… god forbid I never knew kids could turn the colours of the rainbow in to a two and half hour song about what said colours represent.

What a surprise that said film was directed by none other than the king of depression Lars Von Trier… The House That Jack Built not my sisters choir recital, although I would’ve paid to see that, The House That Jack Built follows Matt Dillon through a twelve year serial killing spree, we see him kill women, men and children.

Yep, you heard me, we actually see him kill children. It doesn’t happen off camera no, we see the bloodiness of it all guts and gore the whole Shabang! And out of all the scenes in that film that’s the one that really kept me awake for days, I’m not gonna go in to detail about it but let’s just say it involves two young boys and a high powered sniper rifle (you can work out the rest) the film itself is utterly disturbing as we see Jack become so obsessed with these killings that it makes you wonder and ponder what’s going to happen next, all while your watching through your fingers, you sit there wondering how is this all going to pan out, is he going to get caught.

I must say for the record that Matt Dillon’s performance is absolutely terrifying, he plays the part of Jack so very well that you kinda forget your watching an actor on screen and more like a Netflix true crime docu-series, the most disturbing part was possibly when Jack forces a Mum to feed her dead son pie and rearranges said son’s face giving him a rather grotesque looking smile, I’m not gonna lie but I did walk out at that very part because you will need a strong stomach to sit through that.

The ending however is possibly one of the greatest twists I think I’ve ever seen, Jack has these conversations with a man called Verge, at the end of the film Verge is revealed to be actually Virgil the great roman poet who wrote Dante’s Divine Comedy, in the poem Virgil guides Dante through Hell and Purgatory, this serves as the ending to The House That Jack Built and its executed very very well, Verge is played very very well by Bruno Ganz, the guy who played Adolf Hitler in the amazing film Downfall.

I’ve never really liked Lars Von Trier but I do believe that this is possibly one of his most ambitiously artistic film I’ve seen, and that’s a rare occasion me completing a Lars Von Trier film, all in all I give The House That Jack Built a fair 7/10 it’s ballsy very very ballsy given the fact that we see kids being murdered, but credit goes to Dillon and Ganz’s acting, these two actors gave a performance worthy of an Oscar (Ganz possibly a posthumous Oscar nod on account of his death earlier this year) any way guys I’ll catch ya later 🙂

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The Day After… Unsettling, Depressing and Quite Frankly Really Thought Provoking

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

“I do not know with what weapons world war three will be fought, but world war four will be fought sticks and stones” a famous quote said in 1949 by Albert Einstein, “we cannot have another world war, war is the wrong term, we should ban the word World War Three and say instead apocalypse or holocaust” Golo Mann a famous German historian.

The threat of nuclear war is terrifying in anyone’s eyes, a child’s eyes an old mans even little children like toddlers who watch the news with their parents and ask them questions like “what is a nuclear bomb” my eleven year old brother come up to me and said how deadly is a nuclear bomb, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that if one fell right here where we live it wouldn’t just be catastrophic no, it would deadly, how can you say that to an eleven year old.

The Day After is possibly one of the most important TV movies of the 1980s so much so that broadcasters had to warn viewers because of the depiction of what nuclear bomb can do to a human being (don’t google whatever you do) the film is 126 minutes long and by the time it’s ended your sitting there in silence as the credits roll wondering “good god almighty”

The detail that has gone in to this movie is amazing, however the depiction of the nuclear bombs detonating over Kansas is deeply unsettling, we see the elderly burn and die why my god we even see children be exposed to the nuclear bomb, the final scene is heartbreaking and gut wrenching as one of the characters sends out an emergency distress call by saying “is there anybody out there, anyone at all” we’re then met with static and the film cuts to black.

Like I said The Day After is one of the most important movies out there today, especially in today’s day and age where America has a president who antagonises a ruthless North Korean dictator by stating that his nuclear launch button is bigger than his, scary times indeed.

The Day After gets a 10/10 for its relatively realistic depiction of how a nuclear fallout looks, oh little disclaimer don’t get attached to a character because there is quite a lot of unexpected deaths you’ve been warned.

Give this film a watch but for the love of god don’t watch this with children present for god sake, as always guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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Mom And Dad, Murder… Children In Peril and Nicholas Cage Belting Out The Hokey Cokey

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

He certainly does, I’m not making that up he generally while he’s attempting to kill his children he belts out a rendition of the Hokey Cokey in traditional Nic Cage fashion… oh yeah the film, on with the review!

Mom and Dad stars well Nicholas Cage, Selma Blair, Zackary Arthur and Anne Winters as your typical bog standard suburban family, oh sorry might I add if you feel uneasy about child killing then please stop reading, I’m being serious just stop reading, oh you wanna read on? Well don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

So a mysterious static signal happens and all of a sudden thousands of parents kill their children, think Cell meets Cooties so anyway Selma Blair and Nic Cage attempt to kill their children played by Zackary Arthur and Anne Winters, the children have to attempt to stop their murdering psychopathic parents from doing so.

That’s pretty much it really, now let’s talk about the acting, you know full well what I’m on about yes I’m on about Nic Cage belting out the Hokey Cokey, that scene was the pinnacle highlight for me, I watched that scene for the first time and thought yep, that’s definitely sold it for me. The acting by Selma Blair though it’s pretty damn impressive as well but the real stars of the movie are the children.

They are so believable in this flick, points to them for sure, the older sister is good as is the little boy however, I do think they overdid with the child killing, I mean we see a fucking nine year old little girl get mercilessly wrecked by a meat tenderiser, yep… that happens, we also see a preteen get stabbed by some car keys by his own mother, yep again that happens, the film is billed as a black comedy and I whole heartedly support that statement.

The film has its fair share of gore but then the characters will throw in a witty one liner and you find yourself laughing your ass off, so Mom And Dad is a gory fucking hilarious movie trust me Nicholas Cage’s performance has to be witnessed I’m not making this shit up when I say overacting, I give Mom And Dad a 9/10 it’s brilliant it’s gory and damn hilarious too but as always guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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Basket Case…. It’s Good But It’s Not Quite Carling

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

I love cheesy 70s and 80s horror, films like Sleepaway Camp, you know them sort of movies, those films are good but their not up there with the big boys which makes them enjoyable, because their different they don’t have the same horror tropes we see in today’s horror movies, sure their gory and they have the same shock value but I love the cheesy visual effects, films like Altered States, great film but really bad visual effects, Eraserhead great David Lynch film but cheesy visual effects.

Basket Case falls in to that category I mean I enjoyed it, it was good, thanks to thedevilsdvdbin for suggesting this film, go check out their blog they review some pretty good movies, anyway Basket Case was enjoyable, the effects were sub par and the story line is your bog standard revenge plot, conjoined twins get separated at birth against their will, and plot to get back at the doctor that performed the operation.

What I mean it’s good but not quite Carling is that well, I did enjoy it I really did, but I thought that it was over really fast, the run time of around 90 minutes flies by, this is one of those movies where if your in a rush and your going out and you want a quick movie to watch then Basket Case is the type of movie, I mentioned David Lynch in the first paragraph well this film reminds you of a David Lynch type movie, I’m guessing that the Basket Case’s director drew some sort of inspiration from the Blue Velvet director (that’s another brilliant film definitely check that out)

I give Basket Case a solid 8/10 it’s great just over really really quick in my opinion, again thanks to thedevilsdvdbin for suggesting this to me, this is going on my favourite films of all time list but as always guys catch ya later 🙂

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What The What????

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Most of you on here know my distaste for Eli Roth’s movies basically for those of you who don’t know Eli Roth’s movies they are basically very very disgusting, oh and very very gory as well, I’ve said in many other reviews on here that I can take gore, but Eli Roth’s movies are that of a level that I really cannot tolerate, basically my gag reflex kicks in and I switch off around the forty minute mark.

That being said I watched a few trailers recently and one came up for a film called The House With A Clock In It’s Walls, the film follows a ten year old boy called Lewis (played by Owen Viccario) he goes and stays with his uncle (played by Jack Black) and also his neighbour (played by Cate Blanchett)

*record scratch* yes you heard me… no your hearing does not need to be tested I did in fact say Jack Black and Cate Blanchett, now where was I *furiously looks through notes* ah yes.

Lewis unleashes the undead on a small sleepy town and discovers the truth of why the house has a clock in its walls. Now your now probably wondering what in gods name has this got to do with Eli Roth, oh sorry I should add it’s being distributed by Amblin, you know, that Stephen Spielberg company who made E.T and Jurassic Park yeah them.

Right what I was going to say was Eli Roth is directing it.

No once again your hearing doesn’t need testing yes you heard me correctly Eli Roth is directing a children’s movie…. I’ll say it again…. Eli Roth is directing a children’s movie.

After hearing this I was bemused, I was shocked and I was like wait what? The guy who directed Cabin Fever and Hostel and The Green Inferno is directing a children’s movie, so watching the trailer I thought right here we go the goryness is coming any minute….. now! Any minute now! But alas there is no gore, this actually looks really good it’s like The Spiderwick Chronicles and Goosebumps had unprotected coitus and produced this movie.

The film hits cinemas in September and your damn well right I’ll be there. My god… I’m actually looking forward to seeing an Eli Roth movie…. wow 2018 is proving to be a really really weird year, anyway guys catch ya later 🙂

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Amityville Horror House

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Not a review but more of a history-cum-unsolved crime post, and it’s an interesting one.

Now for those of you who don’t know about the Amityville house let me tell you, basically you had the DeFeo family that consisted of five members, one of them was Ronald Defeo Jr. he went on a murdering spree and killed all of his family. He shot them with a .35 Marlin Rifle.

This is a Marlin 35 caliber rifle, this is the weapon (not the one pictured) that Ronald Defeo shot his family with. While investigating police discovered something that would soon be puzzling, the family showed no sign of struggle nor were there any sign of poisoning in their system, even the neighbours never heard the gun shots what’s even more puzzling to me is how bloody close the neighbours houses were as seen herelook how close the neighbours houses are, 112 Ocean Avenue is in the middle, what’s even more baffling is the only noise the neighbours heard was the family dog barking.

Baffling isn’t it, but wait there’s more baffling evidence, even the family never heard the gunshots. I’m going to attach a link to a YouTube video that I want you guys to see the video in question is the rifle, just forward it a bit and then you’ll hear the sheer noise of this rifle, watch it and ask yourself… how in gods name did the family/neighbours not even hear the gunshots from this powerful gun https://youtu.be/lGG6n4UGRGY

Judging by the sound it’s amazing that no one heard this at all just the dog barking. I would love to hear your guys thoughts on this and your opinions on this absolutely baffling unsolved mystery. But anyway guys until next time catch ya later

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Ready Player One, One Of The Greatest Films I Have Seen At The Cinema Ever!

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

That’s a pretty bold statement to make if I do say so myself, but it’s true Ready Player One is possibly one of Spielberg’s best work yet, again another pretty bold statement to make, but it’s decidedly true.

Based on the book by Ernest Cline Ready Player One follows the story of Wade Watts, a teenage boy living in Ohio in the near future, the town he lives in is chock full of trailers piled high on top of one another, to escape the real world people use virtual reality headsets to go to a place called The Oasis, when the creator of The Oasis dies, he sets out a challenge to all Oasis players… find three keys, simple enough but no other player has found the three keys.

The first key is hidden in the form of a massive race through a simulated New York City, cue the first lot of hidden Easter eggs for you guys to find, you have The Delorean which Wade uses in the race, the light motorcycle from Tron and of course King Kong and the T Rex from Jurassic Park… yeah where else are you gonna see King Kong and the T Rex in the same movie.

Basically the whole movie is chock full of Easter eggs for you to hunt and find, there’s one part halfway through the film the characters go through a simulation of the Stanley Kubrick movie The Shining…. uh huh yep original soundtrack as well including the song that plays at the end of The Shining. Ready Player One is one of the greatest times I had at the cinema, everybody was pointing at the screen recognising every Easter egg, oh shout out to the guy who ruined part of the film by standing up and yelling “oh hell no their in The Shining, screw this shit” and then proceeded to run out of the cinema flailing his arms about like a headless chicken, hats off to you dude.

Do yourself a favour go and watch Ready Player One it’s possibly the most fun you’ll have watching a film, oh and read the book as well, there’s so many more Easter eggs in the book as well, plus there’s rumours of a sequel as well with even more Easter eggs packed in too. Ready Player One gets a 10/10 from me, anyway guys until next time catch ya later.

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A Quiet Place… Definitely One Of The Most Scariest Movies In Recent Time

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Yep… it’s true… I went there, this really is one of the most scariest films in recent memory, directed by John Krasinski and starring John Krasinski, Emily Blunt, Millicent Simmonds and Noah Jupe.

The film follows the Abbott family trying to stay silent in a post apocalyptic world where blind creatures who are attracted by sound stalk and attack them. Now when I say sound I mean every single sound known to man these creatures can hear, this is what makes the film so terrifying, you are holding your breath every time a character moves or even drops something, for instance there’s a scene in the opening act, the family are in a pharmacy gathering medicine for the second youngest Marcus played by Noah Jupe, who looks like he has the flu, while gathering supplies the sister played by Millicent Simmonds, reaches for a toy for her younger brother Beau played by Cade Woodward, while reaching for the toy it slips from the shelf and narrowly misses hitting the floor.

You’ve seen this part in the trailer where their on the bridge and Beau starts playing with the toy, he is then attacked by the creatures or one of them to be precise, right now I did go and see this at the cinema which really is recommended, it’s a silent horror movie with only a little dialogue between the characters, after all they all communicate in sign language, the reason I’m telling you to go see it in the cinema is because you hear everything!!! And I mean everything!!! I did the fatal mistake of bringing a pack of Revels (their like a mish mash of different types of chocolate) now I tried okay I tried to open it as quietly and I would like to apologise to my local cinema goers who were sadly in that screen with me and my pack of noisy Revels.

Let me just say the almighty death stares cometh when your in the cinema if you cough death stares, you move death stares, you even whisper boom you guessed it death stares, coming out of the cinema when the film had finished and everyone was silent, one guy put his rubbish in the bin and it made a loud rustling noise, everyone looked round and yep you pretty much guessed it, death stares one guy yelled out “well done dude smooth, you’ve killed us all”

I came home put my keys in the door as silently as I could and walked through my house as silently as I could… this film ruined me mentally, as I’m typing this now I’m trying to be as silent as I can.

A quiet place is absolutely terrifying to say the least, the acting is amazing, the plot is amazing, to be fair John Krasinski is possibly one to watch out for with horror movies because this is one of the best films I have seen at the cinema this year by far final rating 10/10 it’s scary enough said, but as always guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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