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The Devil’s Rejects…. Who The Hell Requested This Movie Too Me!!!

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

I can take gore… no really I can… Cabin In The Woods that’s gory and I can take that…. the Final Destination franchise…. gory but again I can take that, The Devil’s Rejects take gore and raises it to 100% it’s disgusting like proper unfit for the squeamish gory, I’m squeamish okay I’ll admit but sorry excuse my language but fuck me sideways and call me Clive this film is just absolutely disgusting, I was gagging half of the time during this.

Now I’ve never seen a Rob Zombie movie and quite frankly after this film I don’t plan too, Rob Zombie’s films remind me of Eli Roth’s movies, you have to have a strong stomach to journey through Eli Roth’s movies, take Cabin Fever to this day I still can’t watch it because I feel physically sick to my stomach, The Green Inferno I can’t watch that at all, I switched it off at the forty minute mark. Now this film was requested to me via Twitter (@jackblake151 if you want to request a film to me) I got a message in my inbox saying in big capital letters DEVIL’S REJECTS!!!!! thank me later…. well thank you to whomever sent that request as I am now feeling very very sick indeed.

now by all means I’m not slating this movie I just didn’t like the gore at all, story wise it’s good and the acting by the anti heroes are great as well, sadly the gore let’s it down, although shout out to the child actor whose meant to look terrified but instead looks like he’s cracking up with laughter at the sight of his mum getting brutally knocked out by the clown character, so any who final rating…. I give this film a poorly 3/10 The plot is great and the acting is great as well however sadly the gore let’s it down immensely anyway guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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Goodbye Christopher Robin, Emotional, Nostalgic, Eye Opening And Down Right Interesting

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Now I am going to be completely honest here with you now…. I loved Winnie The Pooh….. there I said it I loved Winnie the Pooh growing up, I remember the movies, the TV shows that came out I remember everything about Winnie the Pooh, I watched the trailer for this film way back in September and I’m not going to lie but I cried a little, I mean it was nostalgic hearing the names of the Winnie the Pooh characters, but what this film does is explains how the books and the relationship of Christopher Robin and A.A Milne were like and how they came about the idea of writing Winnie the Pooh.

To be honest I had an idea what the relationship between A.A Milne and Christopher Robin were like basically cut a long story short Christopher Robin whose real name was Billy Moone wanted his father to write a book, originally Milne wanted to write a book about the First World War and how it has affected people, Christopher Robin wanted Milne to write a book for him and so he did, inventing the honey loving bear we all know and love and have shown it to many of our children and grandchildren.

As time went on Christopher was getting famous Milne was making money and Christopher was hating it, he became resentful of his father and was not liking his new found fame as a famous character in the world famous books, he hated having to do interviews for papers and radio thus his reason for hating his father.

The film is terrific and sheds some light on the origin of Pooh Bear…. okay can we ignore the fact that I called him Pooh bear please thank you…. anywho I loved this film it’s emotional near the ending as an older Robin forgives Milne after Robin is found to have gone missing while serving in the war, it does pack an emotional punch especially for people who remember Winnie the Pooh growing up, now for the acting well 10/10 for the acting let’s talk about the cast. So Domnhall Gleeson plays A.A Milne, Margot Robbie plays his wife and newcomer Will Tilston plays the younger Christopher Robin with Alex Lawther playing the older Christopher Robin, all in all Goodbye Christopher Robin is an absolute classic in my eyes it’s an eye opening story and a good little history lesson for those who are interested I give this film a solid 10/10 anyway guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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The Greatest Showman Visually Breathtaking And Toe Tappingly Enjoyable

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Ever since I was little I detested musicals, I was very naive when I was little, never enjoyed a musical until last year January or February to be precise, La La Land came out and after that I started appreciating musicals a bit more, I started watching musicals a bit more and I have to say musicals are one of my favourite genres now, I love how these films can take you from a world of fear and depressing issues to a much more happier and toe tappingly awesome time, The Greatest Showman does exactly that, while the story might not be historically accurate it’s still a great movie with a powerhouse of a soundtrack.

The Greatest Showman stars Hugh Jackman, Zac Efron, Zendaya and Michelle Willliams, Jackman stars as circus creator and founder P.T Barnum and how he created one of the most visited attractions that’s still around and enjoyed by millions of people worldwide we open with the first song The Greatest Show as we see P.T Barnum’s circus in full force, we then cut back to when Barnum was young he meets Charity and the two sing another amazing song A Million Dreams…. confession time I actually know all the words to some of these songs and I was lip synching every song in the cinema anyway Charity is sent to finishing school.

Now an older P.T Barnum travels back to Charity’s house and the two get married and have two girls, he is then fired from his job after the banks merchant ships all sink in the South China Sea after a typhoon, he goes home and tells Charity this is where he gets the idea to form a circus.

The rest of the film is Barnum recruiting certain acts for the circus, meeting a famous opera singer Jenny Lind ignoring his circus and his acts he decides to go on tour with her and after an absolute belter of a song Never Enough which I might add is a fantastic song altogether…. no wait all the songs are amazing, the choreography is fantastic as is the visuals, The Greatest Showman is possibly the greatest musicals I have ever seen on the big screen I give The Greatest Showman a show stopping toe tapping 10/10 it’s fun, it’s catchy it’s a good film all round but anyway guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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Wonderstruck, One Of The Most Artistic, Visually Impressive Movies I Have Ever Seen

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

I have never seen a film so visually stunning as Wonderstruck, this is the best film I have seen in years, it’s amazing Todd Haynes you creative genius, this is the most artistic most visually stunning film one that that you should definitely check out this year.

The film stars Oakes Fegley as Ben and Millicent Simmonds as Rose, the film is set in two different time periods and let me tell you the transition between them is absolutely breathtaking, we follow Ben in the tail end of the seventies and Rose in the tail end of the twenties neither of them are related but they both have the same desire, to meet a relative they haven’t seen in years Ben with his dad and Rose with her mum who is an actress in New York, both run away from home, and both end up in New York, what I love about this film is the time jumps, for instance when Rose is in the 20s in New York we see Ben in the exact location where Rose was all them years ago.

I want to give a shout out the cinematographer who transitions between colour and black and white perfectly, the seventies have sound while all the black and white scenes are like a silent movie which is amazing, also Carter Burwell who does an outstanding job with the soundtrack, going back and fourth between 20s music and 70s music, also a big shoutout to the child actors Oakes Fegley and Millicent Simmonds, they are outstanding in this film and play their parts perfectly, the film follows them on their journey amazingly and the film captures the emotion of both child actors, also Millicent Simmonds I actually didn’t know is actually deaf in real life something I did not know but after watching interviews with her found out that.

Sticking with the child actors, I honestly think they done an amazing job, everyone who worked on this film needs to be applauded, the cinematographer Edward Lachman is possibly my new favourite cinematographer the way he films is amazing and also Carter Burwell’s breathtaking musical score is phenomenal a proper eargasm for the ears.

If I could rate Wonderstruck it would have to receive possibly the highest I have ever given on here… a massive well deserved 100% this film was visually stunning an absolute classic for the eyes and ears and a film I hope people will be talking about for years to come, that’s all guys definitely check this film out but as always guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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Clown, A Disgusting, Disturbing And Down Right Gory Ass Horror Flick

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

There’s a certain amount of gore I can take when it comes to horror movies, films like Final Destination I’m okay with, films like the Saw franchise I will not touch, then there’s Clown it’s produced by Eli Roth so you kinda get the feeling that it’s going to be disgusting, now it is disgusting but it’s disgusting in a way that makes me feel really uncomfortable, firstly I can take adults dying in horror films any day…. that sounded a lot better in my head but let me explain…. films like Final Destination I like because it doesn’t involve children dying in gruesome ways, that’s something I can’t take… at all like never.

Clown follows the story of a simple family man whose 10 year old son Jack is having birthday party, the clown they’ve hired has been double booked and cancels last minute, the dad finds an old clown costume in the house he’s trying to sell, so he goes home and entertains the children, only to fall asleep in the costume and wakes up with the costume fused to him, he try’s removing the nose but ends seriously injuring himself.

Now after this part he starts transforming in to a demon clown, he checks in to a motel where possibly one of the most adorable kid ever comes across him he offers to give him some food after hearing his stomach growl really loud, he tells the kid to simply stay away, the kid however come back while the dad is buzz sawing off his wig… now this is the first death we see, and while we see it offscreen we hear the saw blade rip through the little boy only seeing the exit wound it has left, immediately I thought oh it’s one of them movies where children die, great. After awhile we see the dad go through some really gruesome body changes, and a hunger for children,

His next port of call is an 11 year old boy who is home alone playing Xbox, he knocks over his drink and goes to get something to wipe it up, after seeing the back door open he goes and grabs some nunchucks, there he sees the clown and wonders why he’s there, we hear from his friend online that he bullied his son by rubbing glue in his face and calling his dad a fag because he dressed like a clown, he is then ripped apart by the clown and we hear offscreen the bloodcurdling scream from the boy and see what I’m guessing is a liver or his kidneys thrown at the TV… yep this film goes there with the gore factor, his next port of call is a place where every parent in America dreads to go Chuck-E-Cheese, we see a kid be dragged down like freakin jaws in to a ball pit, and then a boy is looking for his brother, he goes up the soft play area only to find his brother being eaten almost, just in the nick of time his brother gets away, only for him to be eaten alive by the killer clown, we see his body flung in to view and then his hand comes sliding down the slide in full view of kids and parents.

The mum ends up shooting the clown with the help of a guy she met but that part isn’t important we her the backstory of why the clown eats kids and all that, but anyway this film… wow there’s so many deaths I really didn’t enjoy it, I mean these kids die in the most horrific way possible it’s uncomfortable for me to of watched that, I personally want to know what the director was actually smoking or even thinking about in order to come up with this movie, it was horrible to watch, the acting was great however and the suspense was good too just the deaths seemed a little too much, I give this film a 3/10 it’s horrific seeing children die in movies and this film wastes no time in killing them.

Anyway guys that’s it from me see ya in the new year but as always until next time catch ya later 🙂

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Technology Has It Gotten Worse Or Has It Improved

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Again I’m not reviewing a movie I am once again tackling something that really grates on me… technology, I.e iPhones and iPads smartphones and silly gadgets that help improve your smartphone screen… why am I bringing this up, because I watched a video recently titled “pictures to make you feel old” and on there was photos of gadgets I had when I was knee high to a grass hopper…. Christ did I just really say that damn I am old.

I was born in 1995 on a Valentine’s Day one of the most romantic times of the year… still single…. anywho technology since the year I was born has changed dramatically, we’ve had iPod touches and iPhones galore, since then everyone has become a screen zombie, I watched a film recently called Cell waste of time to be honest with you it was crap, in that film hackers hack in to phones and make people turn in to bloodthirsty rabid foaming-at-mouths zombies, and it got me thinking…. damn that’s scary, think about it we use our phones everyday and night, we listen to music on them, heck we even watch videos of funny cats, but the reason I’m talking about this is because we’ve gotten so attached to our screens that we don’t even know what’s going on around us.

Who remembers the good old days when Tamagotchi’s were dominating the playground and the indestructible Nokia phone was cracking pavements and VHS tapes were still a thing. Story time… I recently had someone come up to me with a video cassette in hand and I kid you not this kid said to me “where’s the screen so I can watch the film” let me tell you I was shocked, children are the future, they could be future leaders and politicians future scientists finding the cure for cancer, but sadly technology is stopping them from achieving that, I was at a party and every single child was on their phone, worst of all they were bloody texting each other, their in the same bloody room.

This brings me on to another subject and that’s couples, couples should be talking with another getting to know one another, but recently I’ve seen couples constantly on their phone, instagramming it up adding filters to their food… okay I admit I do this but I take one photo put it away and edit it when I get in. I was in the cinema recently watching Jumanji 2 (review coming soon) and all I could see was the glow emanating from smart phones, one woman even had her ringtone blare out at one pivotal part of the film, your out with your family put the phone away, communicate with each other, spark up a conversation with a stranger, just get off your phone… okay rant over so until next time guys catch ya later 🙂

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Films That Dramatically, Epically Failed In 2017

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

2017 in my opinion was a great year for movies, we had adaptions, sequels and more reboots than you can shake a bucket of popcorn at, but that doesn’t mean that we’ve had some films that have flopped immensely this year, from dismal summer blockbusters to even more dismal winter openings, 2017 has had its fair share of epic flops, today we look back at just some of those films.

TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGT

I loved the Transformers films when they came out before the 2010s but since then they have gotten more and more terrible, I had the displeasure of seeing this at the cinema back in the summer this year, Michael Bay really needs to get back in track with making original films like his Armageddon and Bad Boys days, but hey ho he’s probably going through a really bad dry spell, the film lost around 40 million in the US box office but succeeded overseas, it’s a shame because Anthony Hopkins was wasted on this film, such a great actor in such a horrible film.

GEOSTORM

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…. that’s what I have to say nothing else to it, okay you ready for the plot because believe me it’s laughable, you ready here we go… the government have created satellites for one purpose hahahahahaha you won’t believe what for, come closer I’ll tell ya… no seriously come closer to your screen *whispers… they use the satellites to control the weather by sending little pods from space down to earth…. yep oh and guess who saves the day… none other than Scotland’s very own action movie superhero who always saves the day, Gerard Butler…

The film earned an abysmal 13 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, and for good reason to, the film was held back for various reshoots, when Jerry Bruckheimer came aboard, but alas he couldn’t save the film from scathing early reviews by the general public, you would think a film like that would’ve been pulled from release, but no they went ahead with the reshoots, and released it this year in October, the film performed miserably at the box office raking in a small amount of money.

BLADE RUNNER

“But Blade Runner was praised by critics” “it was a box office success” I hear you cry, but just like it’s predecessor it flopped dramatically, lack of marketing for this film was the main cause, plus it’s runtime clocking in at 163 minutes that’s nearly 3 hours, personally I liked it, it followed the original Blade Runner to a T but audiences were mostly at the cinema watching other movies rather than this one, but still, the original Blade Runner fans enjoyed.

POWER RANGERS

I was really looking forward to this early this year and I was so let down by how awful this movie was, Power Rangers was and still is my childhood, and swarms of nostalgia flowed through me during the trailers, it looked epic, however the pacing was terrible they spent so much time getting to know the characters rather than focus on the Power Rangers, they don’t even get in to their uniform until there’s 20 minutes of the film left, the film suffered massive blows nationwide in America and overseas and earned a dismal low rating on Rotten Tomatoes, looks like we won’t be getting the sequel to this bomb any time soon.

THE MUMMY

I love a good Tom Cruise film, however The Mummy was pretty much his worst, the film once again like Power Rangers it earned terrible reviews by critics, the film was supposed to launch a Dark Universe franchise but sadly poor reviews and a dismal box office run made the franchise nothing but an afterthought, so longtime Mummy fans will have to wait a teensy bit longer to see a franchise dawn from this.

GHOSTS IN THE SHELL

Oh boy this was a doozy, based on the critically acclaimed anime of the same name Ghosts In The Shell was surrounded by controversy right from the get go, mainly for the “whitewash” casting, the film starred Scarlett Johansson and earned really embarrassing reviews with critics, anime fans and movie goers started saying things about the casting mainly it’s lack of Japanese stars, since it’s well based off of an anime made in Japan.

MOTHER!

Darren Aronofsky, possibly one of Hollywoods underrated directors in my opinion, his visually stunning film The Fountain and his biblical epic Noah didn’t do well at the box office mainly because people didn’t like the religious themes, Mother! Done exactly the same thing and went all biblical on your ass, sadly a 60% rating on rotten tomatoes and poor box office sales sadly let mother slip in to the rank of box office bomb considering the cast of Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem.

So as you can see there have been some great movies this year and some major flops so with that theblakentorreviews would like to say a massive merry Christmas and here’s to a great 2018 but until next time guys catch ya later 🙂

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Suburbicon: A Confusing Pile Of Rubbish Possibly The Coen Brothers And George Clooney’s Worst Film

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

I was really looking forward to this movie, I love Matt Damon, he’s one of them actors where you can put him in any role and he will nail it every time, Suburbicon is possibly one of the worst films he has ever done I mean don’t get me wrong, he is great in this film but the film is a big pile of confusing plot holes.

Matt Damon plays a family man with a wife (Julian Moore) and son (Noah Jupe) and his wife’s sister (also played by Julian Moore) when a black family move in next door to them things in this peaceful idyllic town take a turn for the worst, Matt Damon’s home is invaded by two guys who tie up his family and give a dose of good old chloroform, but they accidentally give the wife an overdose and she dies, the sister then quickly becomes the sons guardian and second mum, but as the film goes on she starts to become more like the wife including dying her hair blonde just like the mum.

There’s also a murder mystery plot somewhere but the film is just really confusing to follow, I.e there’s to many things going on at once to follow what’s going on, but nonetheless the acting is awesome Matt Damon is great as is Julianne Moore as the deranged lunatic sister Noah Jupe is great in this as well as the son, the setting is amazing, George Clooney does capture the fifties suburbia really well, it’s just the plot that lets this film down dramatically, final rating 5/10 the acting is great and so is the setting just the plot is a big letdown anyway guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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Justice League: It’s Good But It’s Not Quite Carling

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

It’s okay, I myself am a DC fan but I’m more of a Marvel fanboy to be quite honest with you, but nonetheless the film was okay even if you get past the corny CGI fight scenes.

I was quite looking forward to this movie and like Suicide Squad I built it up and built it up, when I went to see it I was severely disappointed, it was such a letdown Justice League is the same, I built it up and when went to see it I was again severely disappointed, the film is long and dull the CGI is terrible and the plot is awful, I love Zach Snyder, go watch Watchmen that’s a great film, but my god this is possibly one of the films that I dislike of his, Batman vs Superman was great sure it had its flaws but it was great.

The acting was great, I forgot to mention that, the guy who plays The Flash was hilarious and the guy who played Aquaman was good as well, I’m still having second thoughts about Ben Affleck and Batman though, I can’t get used to it, no one can ever replace Christian Bale as Batman, but hey ho a new actor comes and goes all the time, I can’t exactly remember the plot because I was that bored, I was more focused on the awful CGI, anyway Justice League, it’s good but it’s not quite Carling if you get my drift, I mean it’s good but not that good I’ll give Justice League a 3/10 it’s okay but not the best, but until next time guys catch ya later 🙂

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Wonder… One Of The Most Heartbreaking Films That Every Parent Needs Their Children To See

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A film needs a good moral, take Disney, they have really good morals like believe in yourself and dreams can come true if you make them, Wonder has one of them morals that every parent needs to teach their children choose kindness, I speak from the heart with this one and this film affected me in way that no film has ever done before, I felt connected to the story because I have a brother who had a cleft lip and palate, and he went through so many surgeries to repair it that he’s left with a permanent scar on his lip, and on top of that he has ginger hair, a trait that bullies just adore, he’s ten going on eleven and he is everything to me, I love him more than anything in the world, as irritating as he may be he is still my brother and I am grateful to have him in my life.

I felt emotional during this movie mainly because of my brother but mostly due to the fact that this film tackles bullying a lot, something that I have been through in my childhood and all the way up until I was sixteen, I was bullied in primary school by a boy whose name I shall not mention but he made my life a living hell, he would throw my coat down the toilet, throw it in the girls bathroom, punch, kick and hit me, but the worst thing he did was made me out to look invisible to the whole class, no one would talk to me and I felt like an outsider to my class, exactly how Auggie feels in the movie.

Secondary school was a whole new kettle of fish, as this was the first time I had heard the word rumour, there were rumours about me left right and centre, year seven I was picked on by another boy, he would make me paranoid about the littlest things… okay I went to a special needs school and when you have special needs you take things quite literally, for instance year 9 came and the summer holidays were upon us, I spent every single day up in my room because this kid said he spoke to the headteacher/principal of the school and they were going to put me in the mental hospital, he said expect any day from now an ambulance coming for you. Summer 2009 was the worst summer ever because I was very very paranoid, so much so I developed a fear of ambulances, because I thought they were taking me away, and to this day I still do have a fear of ambulances, while not as big as when I was fourteen/fifteen the fear is still there.

Year 11 was the year I finally stood up to him (yeah it took me five years) I would just ignore him and if he said anything I would ignore him until it became such an issue with him, I remember this day like it was yesterday, because this was the day I found out why he bullied me for five years… he felt sorry for me!!!! I remember looking at him thinking “well that’s an odd way of showing someone that you feel sorry for them”

I have never spoken about this at all for years now that I’ve got it down in writing, parents I’m speaking to you, show your children this, talk to them make them feel like they have nothing to worry about, let them tell you everything word from word if they are getting bullied, and kids I say this, stand up! Stand up to the bullies who are picking on you because of what you look like or your hair colour or your fashion sense, stand up to those bullies and say I’m not afraid of you, you have nothing to worry about with bullies they are nothing don’t let them ruin your education, don’t take days off because the bully says he/she’s going to beat you up tomorrow, don’t fake being ill say something, say something to your parents, teachers, friends, family and even the headteacher/principal talk to any members of staff, they are there to help.

But most importantly choose kind, choose kindness, go out and do a good deed be friendly to people make someone’s day, this film teaches you to be kind and the moral is fantastic in this film, there’s a great quote that Julia Roberts’s character says in this film “your heart is the map to where you are going, the scars on your face is the map to where you’ve been” that is now my favourite quote of all time thanks to this film, trust me there’s more amazing quotes like “why blend in when you were born to stand out”

I give wonder a massive 10/10 the message in this movie is amazing and relatable to children who have been through bullying the acting is superb, massive praise for Jacob Tremblay who plays Auggie Pullman he does an outstanding job in this film as does the other cast members in this flick, but parents do me a massive favour show your children this film and get them to choose kindness, and if their being bullied talk to them. Until next time guys catch ya later 🙂 🙂 🙂

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