Tag: film reviews

Horror, movies

Weapons: Zach Creggers Does It Again!

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

I went in totally blind to weapons… I saw it late Monday night at 8:30, prime time to watch a horror in my opinion… anyway I knew the gist of the plot, 17 kids from the same class go missing except one kid (more on him later)

The film stars Julia Garner as Justine Gandy, the teacher whose class of kids has gone missing, Josh Brolin as Archer Graff whose son Matthew is one of the missing students, Alden Ehrenreich as Paul, and Cary Christopher as Alex Lilly, the only kid who seemingly didn’t go missing.

Told in a vignette style resembling Kurosawa’s Rashomon, we flick between Justine, Archer, Paul and Alex’s POV of events…

So the whole plot revolves around this, at exactly 2:17 am on the dot, 17 kids from Justine’s class at Maybrooke Elementary woke up, got out of bed, went downstairs, opened the their front door… and left, and they never came back.

That’s the opening narration from an unnamed student at Maybrooke, we then cut to Justine’s POV… now she’s been blamed by the parents of the missing kids, we hear Archer off screen go why her, why only her classroom.

Now I am going to stop right there and venture no more in to the plot… because like Barbarian, you need to go in blind! Completely and utterly blind, do not read any spoilers… because it’s that kind of movie, just sit down and watch it.

Now obviously Julia Garner and Josh Brolin are brilliant actors, I first saw Julia Garner in the Netflix series Ozark and thought to myself “oh damn, she’s good” from then she is definitely my favourite actress working today.

She does a bang up job playing Justine, you really feel for her character here because like the parents she has no idea what’s happening either, and she’s now the centre of this witch hunt, everyone is blaming her for the disappearances.

Josh Brolin as well does a great job here playing Archer Graff, his son Matthew Graff is one of the missing kids, he’s become so disillusioned by the police and is very much cynical about whether the truth about the disappearances will ever come to light.

There’s a scene where he has a nightmare, he sees a AR-15 rise above his his house with the number 217… many saw this as an allegory for school shootings and maybe that was where the film was headed.

But classic Creggers fashion it almost feels like he’s winking at us saying “oh you thought that? Aww, nah I just put that in there for shits and giggles, to throw you off the scent”

But enough about the adult leads.

Let me introduce to you Cary Christopher as Alex Lilly, the only kid not to go missing from his class.

I rarely say this about child actors but damn! This kid is good I mean really good… he is definitely one to watch in the near future, he’s natural… he’s grounded… he carries some of the movies most heaviest moments but he is able to hold his own, there are some scenes you just wanna reach in and say “it’s okay kiddo it’s okay”

His performance for me resembles a young Haley Joel Osment from Sixth Sense, what a performance that was.

There is a small performance from 80s movie star Amy Madigan who plays Auntie Gladys… can’t say to much about her character (spoilers aplenty lurk everywhere in this film) but I can say this… I won’t be going round hers for Halloween this year

Now I did wonder why this film was rated 18… it’s psychological, there’s a few jump scares here and there but half the time I was thinking “why is it an 18?” And then it hits you and then your sat there like “yeah… that tracks” there’s one graphic part where someone head butts another person to death… it’s graphic but, damn it certainly shocks you.

Weapons is by far the best horror film of the year by a clear mile, it’s up there with Bring Her Back and Presence (which I will be reviewing very soon, so keep an eye out!)

It’s spooky, it’s a brilliant slow burn, it’s a brilliant film all round, but please… do not google what happens! Go in blind!

I give Weapons a 9/10! Bold statement but it’s better than Barbarian!

As always guys… catch ya later 🙂

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movies, Pop Culture

Move Over Skibidi Toilet… We’re Getting A Backrooms Movie!

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Yes… you heard that right, again really wish I was making that up… but I’m not, it’s real… oh so real.

You may remember a while back when I made a post saying that Michael Bay is making a Skibidi Toilet movie, and that this whole new generation of kids are a different breed, and I’m actually really terrified of them?

They run around saying “bro you got zero aura points and ugh bruh it’s giving this or it’s giving that” and they mention about their drip, which means their outfit… they’d say “yo bruh your drip is lit! Bro gained 10,000 aura points with that drip!”

So while Michael Bay is turning a sentient toilet with a man that only says “Skibidi dob dob dob” a YouTuber named Kane Parsons is making the Backrooms movie.

For those who don’t know who Kane Parsons is let me tell you!

He’s a YouTuber who posts horror shorts, mostly 90s style grainy found footage of someone in an office block type building, danger lurks around every corner and you get the sense you are being watched or followed.

Well… A24 have kindly asked Kane Parsons to direct a feature length movie about the back rooms… supposedly it’s going to star Chiwetel Ejiofor and Renate Reinsve (from the foreign film The Worst Person In The World) it’s going to be produced by Shawn Levy and James Wan.

I’m intrigued as to how they are going to do this… I’m curious as to how they’re going to make a skibidi toilet movie but there you go.

Back when I was a kid we was hooked on a baby biting his brother’s finger… and a cartoon unicorn named Charlie who was dragged along with two other unicorns on crazy wacky adventures.

We loved it, it was entertainment… and now we have a poorly rendered man in a toilet, oh how times change!

Kids of today will appreciate this movie, but us adults? Utter confusion when this film is released!

Parents of Gen Alpha will be confused too… I’m pretty sure their kids have watched Skibidi toilet or have mentioned going in to a car park and said “oh no we’ve gone in to the Backrooms!” While you guys have looked on and just simply said… “Backrooms? It’s a Tesco car park little Jimmy” little Jimmy will probably follow it up with “what the sigma! Bro loses aura points for that hot take!”

Sometimes I really feel like I need a dictionary with these lot… I’m googling new slang words almost… every… day!

So folks you heard it here! Not only is a Skibidi Toilet movie in the works but we now have a Backrooms movie in the works too! Brace yourselves!

Until next time guys, catch ya later! 🙂

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Fanny And Alexander… Could’ve Been An Email

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

So… I watched Fanny and Alexander. Or rather, I survived Fanny and Alexander.

They tell you this one’s “Bergman’s most accessible”, like it’s some lighthearted Christmas tale with a bit of emotional depth. What they don’t tell you is it starts with baubles and ends with spiritual collapse.

Honestly? It’s like getting invited to a festive buffet and halfway through, someone quietly takes your plate away and starts reading Psalms over your shoulder while your childhood dies in the background.

Act One: Oh this is quite nice?

We open on Christmas. It’s loud, it’s theatrical, it’s vaguely chaotic in a charming old-timey way. People are laughing, drinking, reminiscing… it’s giving A Swedish Muppet Christmas Carol and I was into it.

For about twenty minutes.

Then things took a turn.

Suddenly the fun drains out of the room and we’re locked in the bleakest IKEA catalogue ever printed. And by the time Alexander’s watching ghost children appear in a bishop’s attic, I’m Googling whether Bergman was okay and if I, too, need therapy now.

Act Two: The Film Refuses to End

I don’t mind long films. I’ve watched Yi-Yi, I’ve made it through The Irishman twice I’m no stranger to a slow burn.

But this? This wasn’t a burn. This was emotional waterboarding with candlelight and theatre metaphors. Every time I thought, “Ah, here’s the end,” Bergman whispered “No… no, we’ve still got more emotional suffering to unbox.”

And I still don’t fully understand the puppet stuff. Was it symbolic? Was it haunted? Was it just Sweden being Sweden?

My biggest takeaway?

This entire plot could’ve been resolved in a passive aggressive family WhatsApp thread.

“Hi all, just a quick one, the bishop is emotionally abusing the kids. We’re moving out. Fanny says hi x”

Done. Roll credits.

Final Thoughts:

Do I regret watching it? No. It’s one of those “I watched it so you don’t have to” situations. Did I connect with it? Honestly, not really. Felt like I was intruding on a private therapy session filmed in candlelight.

Could it have been an email? Absolutely.

In Courier font, with no attachments.

If Fanny and Alexander is the festive art-house classic, then I’m the kid in the corner staring into the middle distance wondering when the biscuits arrive.

Now credit where credit is due, this is considered one of Bergman’s best, and I can see why.

It’s layered, it’s theatrical… it’s got a haunted puppet man for some reason.

I just think they cram so much into its three and a half hour runtime… and even more in the five-hour version… if you really hate yourself and have nowhere to be that is!

I’ll give a three out of ten, I can see why people like it and I can see why it’s Bergman’s best but… it’s just not for me, I watched it and I can now say “yeah I’ve seen Fanny and Alexander… didn’t rate it”

Until next time guys… catch ya later 🙂

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Skinamarink… A Little Gem You May Not Have Heard Of, Nor Have Even Seen

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

We all had that fear as a kid that terrified us right?

Spiders? Heights? The dark?

Skinamarink plays up to not one but two childhood fears that we all had growing up.

The dark and the fear of our parents disappearing and not being there, and boy… does it do it well.

Now straight away I’m going to level with you guys here, if you are looking for a fast paced quick moving horror movie, stop… Skinamarink is a slow burner but it’s one you really have to stick with.

The pay off is worth it, so it’s definitely worth sticking with, as it plays on these fears so very well, and it’s really terrifying.

We all know the fear of the unknown right? The feeling that something may or may not be lurking in the dark abyss that is your bedroom, I get it sometimes… when I wake up in the middle of the night, and I stare down the stairs, it looks like a dark abyss where at some point something or someone is going to pull me down.

We have all been there.

But Skinamarink doesn’t do that with adults no… instead thrown in to the mix are two siblings, a brother and a sister named Kevin and Kaylee.

Their house is haunted by something or… someone.

Someone that makes objects float on the ceiling, and whispers to them to come upstairs and look under the bed.

Now sure I do have some *minor* issues with this movie.

One being the cinematography.

Seriously who turned the grain up, the lighting I completely understand where they were going with it, but sometimes it’s so hard to make out just exactly what it is you are looking at.

You definitely need to watch this in a dark room, you watch this in the daytime you are not going to see shit.

The grain is so bad, it’s so bad on the eyes, as I said with the lighting the grain is turned all the way up, making it hard to make out what it is you are looking at.

Whether or not that was the directors intention to further play on the fear of the unknown… it certainly worked, because half the time I was saying to myself “what! What is it! What are you seeing!”

Now of course the critics loved this movie! The audience…. Eh…. Not so much.

But!

The theories that have come out of this movie are fantastic, honestly they are well worth a read, Den Of Geek compiled a list of some of them, I want to talk about my personal favourite theory, and quite possibly the most the plausible one.

Kevin is in a coma:

From the start of the film we hear Kevin fall down the stairs and bang his head, supposedly after a bout of sleepwalking, the rest of the film is literally him and Kaylee trapped in their house, no parents just rather creepy cartoons playing.

Windows and doors go missing, the toilet even goes missing believe it or not, but the editing is so well done, the only way I can describe it is when you have an image on your computer, and then you quickly delete it, undo it and then quickly delete it again.

There are some heartfelt moments in this and there were times where… a tear was shed.

The kid who plays Kevin is rather adorable, he has that typical four year old voice… you know the one where they can’t pronounce the R sound yeah that voice, throughout the film your like “Awww”!

The kid who plays Kaylee as well is great, she’s plays the part of the caring older sister really well, albeit she is in it for 25/30 minutes, now that jumpscare however oooh boy, scared the crap out of me.

Basically Kevin goes upstairs after Kaylee goes missing, he comes across her and we only get to see the bottom half of her, you only see her feet and you hear some heavy breathing coming from Kevin, and then the camera pans up to Kaylee who has no eyes and no mouth.

That scene! Well played mr director, well played… that moment in the film is where I was leaning in for a closer look, and then BAM! Kaylee’s face is revealed.

It is certainly a very effective jump scare.

The amount of tension in this film is brilliant as well, there is this one scene where Kaylee thinks she sees her mum sitting on her bed, and the muffled voice says to her to “look under the bed”

Let me tell you my heart was racing.

Skinamarink is one of those experimental films that you either *get* or don’t get, I can totally understand why people would dislike this movie, it’s definitely not for everyone.

You can tell it starts by going down this road, but midway through the film it’s like it goes “hey you know what let’s make a left turn here and completely deviate off of the path we were on” and that shows in a sense, like it doesn’t offer closure to the fate of Kevin’s character.

All we know is he’s trapped in this purgatory hellhole that’s tormenting him every which way, that’s it… we don’t know if he makes it out, we don’t know if the dad comes back.

We just don’t know.

Now there is another plot hole here.

The mum.

You hear Kevin say to Kaylee, “maybe dad is with mum” to which Kaylee replies “I don’t want to talk about mum” and that’s it.

That’s all you hear about, nothing more is said, nothing else is mentioned… that well it didn’t annoy me as such it’s just, I would’ve loved a backstory on that.

That’s the only plot hole that grinds my gears pretty much, the rest of the film great, that and the graininess is my only criticism I have of Skinamarink.

I’m definitely giving a 7/10 yeah it’s an experimental horror, yeah it’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea but if you have the time and patience to actually sit and watch it then go for it.

I can understand why people hated it, they basically said that it would’ve worked if it was a short rather than a feature length movie, and… I can see that, it does drag in some places but again, if you have the time and effort to actually focus on the movie then as I said… go for it.

It’s well worth a watch if you are in to experimental horror, rather than the conventional horror movies we know and love.

I just wish there could have been more, like I get it it’s supposed to be minimalistic I totally get that, I just wish they could’ve done more with it if you catch my drift.

I really enjoyed it and hopefully you guys will too!

If any of you guys reading this have seen Skinamarink, let me know your theories! I’m intrigued to know what they are.

But as always guys, catch ya later 🙂

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Terrifier 3, Not Afraid To Push The Boat Out In To Controversial Waters

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

So after seeing the first two, a friend of mine asked me to come and see the third, naturally I said no.

But after a little convincing I bit that bullet and went with him to see it, yeah I’ve never regretted anything in my life… until that night.

Terrifier 3 breaks a certain taboo subject matter that you rarely see in horror movies, and that is the deaths of children, and I’m not talking about offscreen deaths no… you see everything in this flick, dismembered dead children who it only have been axed, but blown up as well… oh yeah… that happens, more on that later.

There is a reason why people have been throwing up when seeing this movie, and I don’t blame them to be quite honest with you… there were some scenes in the first two that sure made me gag, but never made me throw up per say, but!

This one particularly made me feel physically sick, so much so that during one scene I actually had to walk out, call me soft call me whatever, but c’mon do you really want to see a woman get tube fed live rats? And then said rats eat and gnaw their way out of the woman’s stomach, do you really want to see that? Didn’t think so.

Directly from the opening scene you know exactly what road this threequel is going to go down, and it really isn’t a happy road at all.

The opening ten minutes alone is gross, and it’s really unpleasant, let me explain… like I said in the first two… squeamish viewers stop reading now!

So.. Art dressed as Santa invades the home of a typical American style family, they have a nice house, two kids and are excited for the Christmas season, the little girl wakes up, hears “Santa” on the roof and goes to investigate.

She spots Art the clown wielding an axe, and slaughter her older brother… his famous last words are “Julia I thought I told you to stay out of my…” bam he’s then axed to death by Art.

I’m not going to lie, I did laugh at this scene, I’m not sure whether it was a shocked laugh, something like “ha ha oh no a child has died” or whether it was an uncomfortable laugh like “ha oh that poor child”

This is one of many deaths where it feels unwarranted and completely unnecessary, Damian Leone is trying so hard to go down the controversial route, while it does pay off, it makes you feel so uncomfortable when watching these kids die a horrible death.

Another scene involves a department store Santa and Art, he uses liquid nitrogen to freeze the poor guys legs, and then smashes them with a sledgehammer, again completely unwarranted and unnecessary.

You feel so sorry for the poor bastard.

Art then dresses as Santa, and treats kids to presents galore… but being a horror movie it’s not all fun and games, with a choir version of Joy To The World blasting out, a little boy who looks no older than 8 maybe 9 opens a present and KABOOM!

He explodes along with several other children in the vicinity.

MERRY CHRISTMAS BOYS AND GIRLS! And just when you think that doesn’t fulfil your sick depraved mind, oh look little Jimmy’s entrails, because yeah… really want to see that… oh look, it’s little Susie’s foot, just lying there.

Seriously it really shy away from controversy let me tell you!

I hated this movie and for good reason.

The amount of gratuitous violence completely takes away from the horror elements of Terrifier 3.

The kills again like the second are completely unnecessary and just so uncalled for, I get that’s Art’s motive like he just doesn’t give a shit about who he kills and how he kills them.

Art the clown is like this generations Jigsaw, every film he finds new ways to brutally murder someone, and that is a hill I will die on.

I hated this movie so much, it was graphic, unnecessary… just no… eww!

0/10 and you guys who have stuck with this blog for a long time know how dare I give 0/10s but guys this film completely warrants that rating, it’s gross, graphic and certainly not for anybody who has children.

As always guys catch ya later 🙂

I’m going to wash my eyes out and grab a sick bowl… laters!

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Terrifier 1 And 2, SO… MUCH… GORE!

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

With the release of Terrifier 3 today I thought it would be a wise idea to… go and watch the first two, again like all movies I went blind, and now I wish I was blind.

For those of you who have been following my blog, first of all thank you much appreciated, secondly you’ll all know how much I hate gore.

Well I mean I can take it, it’s just I have limits, Evil Dead Rise yes I did watch half of that movie through my fingers, yes I did enjoy it, regardless.

That’s the level of gore I can take, I mean sure give me a medical drama like Grey’s Anatomy and Chicago Med I can take that.

But sometimes a film comes along that I just cannot stomach.

Clown… you know the one where a killer clown eats loads of innocent little kids? Yeah that one, couldn’t take it.

A Serbian Film… I still question who the fuck made that movie but as I said… couldn’t stomach it.

Terrifier…. Now this ladies and gentleman is an absolute doozy.

Damien Leone… man I’d love to sit with this guy and just ask… where the fuck did you come up with an idea like this? It’s like he watched Pennywise and said “yeah that’s great Pennywise imma let ya finish but have ya met my mate Art the Clown”

It’s gross.

But…

He’s now become this cult phenomenon.

Art the clown has become this new slasher villain, and people have gone batshit crazy for him.

Now as I said I can take gore, but the level of gore in this flick is that of spinal tap where the amps go to eleven, Terrifier takes the gore and ramps it to eleven.

Now I can’t necessarily say the first is tame compared to the second one, because it’s not, it so isn’t tame.

We’ll get on to the second one in just a moment, I want to talk about one scene In particular in the first Terrifier.

And that scene is… the hacksaw scene.

I have never had to leave my living room when watching a film, I’ve never had to block my ears before, but that scene… my god, that scene scarred me.

I’ve never felt sorry for a character as much as Tara in this, poor girl didn’t deserve to go out that way.

Let me set the scene (squeamish readers look away now!) Art ties her up, gags her and hangs her upside down, and with the hacksaw… proceeds to cut her in half…

I’m now of course going to let your mind wander as to whereabouts he cuts her in half… to drop a subtle hint on you, as a man even I felt pain down there.

Terrifier 2 is pretty much the same, only this time my god the gore is worse!

The bedroom scene… I think I can safely say this was the only movie that made me physically ill, I’ve never gagged at a movie before but this… this was not only gory to watch it was also very very disturbing as well.

The lengths Art goes to as he tortures this poor girl, I’m not going in to detail but this particular kill involves dismemberment and loads of bleach and salt.

While Art the clown may have established himself as a slasher movie icon, but the level of gratuitous violence is just completely and utterly unwarranted.

Hardcore horror fans will love it, hardcore fans of gore will love it, as I said there’s literally no reason for Art to go that far with his kills, some of these make you so uncomfortable and whether that was Damien Leone’s intention he definitely has succeeded in that.

I recently watched the trailer for the third, and yes you guessed it, it looks to be even gorier.

There’s a certain scene where Art is dressed up as a department store Santa, a group of kids come running up to him, I don’t really want to know what happens next, and to be quite honest I don’t want to watch it too find out.

Now that I’m working with children as well as volunteering with them, I can’t stand to see kids die in horror movies at all.

I watch scenes like that and think “some poor mother has lost a child”

The first Halloween movie directed by David Gordon Green had a child die at the hands of Michael Myers, couldn’t watch it.

If you love hardcore horror and OTT gore then Terrifier is for you, if not then stay well away because it really isn’t for you, and you definitely need a strong stomach to watch these two films.

Terrifier 1 and 2 gets a 3/10 it’s gory but Art the clown is… quite a good villain I’m not going to lie.

Anyway as always guys… catch ya later! 🙂

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Oh God… Oh God… Oh God… Michael Bay What Have You Done!

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Michael Bay… you may remember him from such films as Transformers, and The Rock… and Armageddon.

Great films weren’t they, sure they were filled with unnecessary explosions and blinding sunsets, but… hey they were great films to say the least.

Now for those of you who have children, or if your like me you work with children as well as volunteer with children, you may or may not have heard them say things like “rizz” or “bussin” or “no cap on god”

If you do not work with children or at least volunteer with them allow me to explain what those words mean.

*ahem*

Rizz… charisma, “bro got that rizz” basically it means you have charisma, and an ability to woo the opposite sex such as a woman.

Bussin… basically means it’s good, “yo man that quesadilla be bussin” translates to “I say my good man this quesadilla is good”

No cap on god… translates to “your outfit is great no lie I swear to god”

Caught up? Good

By now you’re probably wondering “jack… where is this going”? Or “oh my god, are you okay”?

I’m fine… no really I’m fine.

Now curious question… have you guys heard of Skibidi Toilet? No… well… thank god, keep it that way.

As the old saying goes curiosity killed the cat, that is exactly what happened with me, allow me to explain.

I’m a Cub Scout leader, I’ve been doing that for eight years, just the other week I had a boy come up to me and simply went to me “skibidi” confused I said “what”? The boy then replied “bro got that Skibidi Ohio Rizz, what the sigma”

See that face you’re making now… that look of complete and utter confusion… yeah that was the exact face I made.

I have zero clue what that boy meant, until he told me about Skibidi Toilet, as I said before my curiosity got the better of me, I sat down that very same night and watched Skibidi Toilet.

It is literally a toilet, with a poorly animated blokes head sticking out of it, and all he says is and I quote “Skibidi dib dib dib, Skibidi dop dop dop”

Yeah Michael Bay is making that in to a movie…

No… I am not making that up… my god I really wish I was making that up but… I’m not, it’s true… according to Variety a film or tv show is in the works.

My good god.

This generation are a different breed, generation alpha I’m not going to lie but… I am actually scared of them.

The stuff they say, the things they watch… I don’t get it, back when I was a kid it was Charlie Bit My Finger and Charlie The Unicorn, all the kids in my school if there was a kid called Charlie we would yell “Charlie…. Charlie…. Candy mountain Charlie…”

It was stupid but we loved it, but just how have we gone from a baby biting his big brother’s finger, to… a man’s head in a toilet singing god knows what.

It’s weird… but kids of today love it, it’s literally taken the world by storm, there’s merchandise, heck someone out there had written fan fiction for crying out loud.

Its become this massive cultural phenomenon and no one knows how nor why, there’s now lore behind some of the characters, one of the kids at my Cub Scout group come dressed as TV Man, a character from part seven.

Yes! Part seven, there’s now an all out war between Skibidi Toilet and another race of characters, seriously the kids I see on the street talk about it, like they talk about it like it’s the second coming of Jesus Christ.

I’d love to explain just how and why this Skibidi Toilet became popular but the answer to that is… I simply do not know.

It’s this weird cultural phenomenon that I can’t even grasp why it’s become that.

Now Michael Bay wants to make either a film or a tv series based on this.

I can’t be the only one who just doesn’t get it right? If any parents are reading this please enlighten me! I need answers goddammit!

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to rinse my eyes out, and pinch myself… because hopefully what I’ve read and seen was all a dream… I hope.

Until next time guys, catch ya later 🙂

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Blood And Honey II: Why?

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

If you remember last year I reviewed a Winnie The Pooh horror film titled Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey, well get ready ladies and gentlemen because… WE HAVE A SEQUEL! Yes, you heard me! A sequel!

I didn’t realise how much of a cult following the first one got, I didn’t even think it warranted a sequel it was that bad, yet somehow Rhys Frake-Waterfield has done it again.

We have new characters, we now have Owl and Tigger, you know Tigger, the bouncy tiger who was so full of energy, well he too is a sadistic psychopathic murdering machine, Owl as well!

I said in the first blood and honey review that this is everything wrong with public domain movies, and blood and honey 2 shows that yet again.

Take a beloved children’s character we have grown up with and turn him into this, a murdering machine, it’s… ridiculous.

Now if you remember I said last year that we are getting a multiverse that literally no one asked for, and one well… we don’t even need, well we have official titles for a Bambi horror film, Bambi: The Reckoning

We also have a Peter Pan horror film, that’s going to be called Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare, I wonder if the Lost Boys are going to get revenge on Peter Pan, maybe kidnap Wendy and her brothers, actually the more I think about it… I am actually intrigued as to how that one will pan out (if you pardon the pun)

Now believe it or not but Frake-Waterfield is also thinking of turning other beloved children’s classics in to horror films.

Pinocchio will be getting a horror adaptation, as well as, and no I am not making this up but a Teletubbies horror, I swear to the gods above I am not making that up, he also wants to make a Powerpuff Girls horror.

At this point I want whatever this guy is on, who wakes up in the morning and thinks… “teletubbies… someone needs to make a horror film about them, yeah… that’s a great idea”

I am dreading to think what else he wants to adapt, there are so many beloved children’s classics over here in the UK, if I am being honest… they should not be touched, not now not ever, but deep down I know for a fact that they will indeed be touched.

I hated the first Blood And Honey and for good reason, however the slasher elements were decent to say the least, but damn the kills in this sequel are… they’re really good, I mean they are an improvement to say the least, can’t believe I’m saying this but that was the only decent thing about this sequel, the kills.

The more I think about it and the more i sit here and write about this the more I am intrigued, I am curious as to how this multiverse is going to play out, I mean are you guys not at least one bit curious as to how Bambi, the most adorable little deer can be turned in to a slasher film.

Pinocchio as well, I don’t know why but Pinocchio always gave me the creeps, I can’t explain why, the thought of a puppet that longs to be a real boy and comes to life, like I said I can’t explain it but I just find it creepy.

With all its faults and its flaws, once overlooked it’s not a bad film… I mean you do have to switch your brain off and completely forget who the villains are, but once your there and your completely switched off, it is just another mindless gory slasher film, it’s… not that bad.

Sure I moan and groan about how it’s everything wrong with public domain movies, but as I said once overlooked it’s a pretty decent film, if anything it’s… better than the first.

I can’t believe I just said that!

Sadly it does get a low rating from me, 4/10

Slasher wise yeah great that’s… it, that’s the only redeemable part about this film, as I said once you forget who the villains are and you switch your brain off.

As always until next time, catch ya later 🙂

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Mothers Day (2010) Psychological Home Invasion Thriller Offers Nothing New

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Back in 2010 a film came out titled Mothers Day, and I do kind of remember this film, sure it fell under the radar and vanished in to the realm of obscurity but hey what film hasn’t.

The film starred Rebecca De Mornay who I must admit I do love when she plays a villain, if you haven’t seen Hand That Rocks The Cradle stop what you are doing and watch it!

It is without a doubt the most creepiest villains you see, she plays that character so bloody well it’s chilling.

The film also stars Frank Grillo and Jaime King as a couple hosting a party in their home, we see them going through a bit of a rough patch in their life, we don’t fully understand why that is until later on.

De Mornay’s family invade the home thinking it’s still theirs from their childhood, little do they know that they lost the house in a foreclosure.

Beth and Daniel end up becoming hostages as well as the other party guests.

This is where the cliches come in to play, you know the ones.

Villain has hid something around the house and it’s always either a small fortune or stack loads of money, the new owners deny any existence of said item and then end up paying the price.

We see the guests endure various torture methods, one including boiling hot water poured in to the ear, while quite tame in comparison to one poor bastard getting a shotgun pellet to his face the kills in this flick are… meh.

Now don’t get me wrong there are rather painful moments including one guy getting a snooker ball to the hand, compared to the shotgun part they are rather tame.

I must say though however my favourite part was when de mornay taunts Grillo’s character.

Halfway through the film we learn through old photos and newspaper clippings, that the reason their going through a rough patch is because Grillo and Kings characters Daniel and Beth had a little boy named Jake who sadly passed away after being hit by a car.

De Mornay shows the old photos including Jake’s old toys and demands where the money is, taunting him saying if he kept an eye on him instead of letting him run out in to the street he’d be here today, tucked up in bed.

It’s an intense scene and you really feel for poor Daniel here, seeing a psychotic woman burn a photo of your son while your duct taped and tied up must be hard to watch.

The worst part is where she douses the keepsake box with alcohol and burns the rest of Jake’s belongings, it is a rather depressing scene to say the least.

As I said in the title Mother’s Day offers nothing new, it’s cliche ridden but it is decent watch I did have a good time with it but you can tell why it’s underrated, the production value feels cheap.

The acting sometimes is subpar, there were a few scenes where I did roll my eyes and think “oh god really”

De Mornay’s character is brilliant however, like I said she plays a terrific villain.

I give this film a 4.5 out of ten, it’s a decent flick but deep down it is a run of the mill home invasion horror, if you want a good recommendation for this particular sub genre check out Straw Dogs with Dustin Hoffman, now that’s a home invasion thriller worth seeing.

But as always until next time, catch ya later 🙂

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The Trouble With Blumhouse

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

When does a movie studio come to the realisation that the movies your churning out are not that good? Well if your Blumhouse the answer is… never.

Let me explain.

Back in 2009 we were greeted with one of the most scariest found footage films since the Blair Witch Project, Paranormal Activity.

Much like Blair Witch it starred complete unknowns, and quickly became the most scariest found footage film ever made, and with good reason, the film followed young couple Katie and Micah as they document demonic hauntings in their California home.

It was of course Blumhouse’s first movie, soon after they quickly became a powerhouse within the horror genre.

Solely relying on low budgets and relatively unknown directors they took the world of horror by storm, and then… something happened.

The quality dipped, the movies were becoming… rubbish, rather than solely focus on what made them big in the first place, they made bog standard run of the mill horror with cheap effects, and over the top jump scares.

They even went down the franchises route and made rather unnecessary sequels to otherwise great films, paranormal activity for instance, the first one was great, it was scary… it did it what set out to do which was to scare the absolute crap out of you.

There is a reason people say it’s the scariest found footage movie ever made, and… they’re not wrong.

But then they bought out the sequel Paranormal Activity 2, it was… okay, the scares were still there but I don’t know I felt like there was something missing, I can’t quite put my finger on what that missing thing is, I just feel like there’s something, maybe it’s just me.

They then released the prequel with the third one, now this was great! We got a flashback to when Katie and Kristie were little, we got the backstory that we all wanted, and it delivered, it was a worthy prequel.

Until!

They made a spin-off, a Mexican family this time, it still had the found footage element but again it fell flat, then they released the fourth one and well… let’s just say the less said about that the better.

Then the dreaded fifth one came out, I went with my younger sister to see it, there was me and her and three other people in the theatre, the scares… well, I can’t remember there being any, and that ending! Good god in heaven it was bad, like I vividly remember when the credits rolled I went “was that it” sure I got a few laughs but I was being serious, was that it?

After the fifth one was released I do think this is where they started dipping in quality.

Remember the film Sinister? Starred Ethan Hawke as a true crime novelist who moves his family in to a murder home so he can write his next book, terrifying, critics loved it as did I.

It was a breath of fresh air, it didn’t just rely on cheap, tacky jump scares no, it relied on tension as well.

Then we got a sequel, we didn’t ask for it, we didn’t need it, but somehow we got one.

It felt flat, it felt… well I can’t even put it into words but it was bad, sure it still had the same formula as the first one but… the first one had great acting, this on good god, my cat could have acted better than those actors, now I rarely speak bad of child actors I really do, I always praise them, it’s just…

Some child actors have it… and others well… they don’t, and the two boys in this sequel didn’t have it, I’m sorry to say but they were bad, I know I know I feel terrible but believe me they were.

Call me harsh, call me mean but that’s what I thought.

Now don’t get me wrong for every bad movie they have released there are some pretty decent ones, as I mentioned sinister, the first Insidious movie, Oculus directed by Hill House and Bly Manor director Mike Flanagan, and of course the Halloween reboot released back in 2018 (we won’t mention the sequels)

Flash forward to today and they haven’t made a decent horror flick in my opinion for a good few years, again they solely rely on sequels and run of the mill scares.

There’s no passion from them anymore.

That’s a bold statement but just look at their recent flicks.

Imaginary, about an imaginary friend that kills people, again the premise is fantastic but the payoff was god awfully cheap.

Night Swim, I reviewed that earlier this year and did not hold back on how bad it was, I mentioned the premise, no one has seen a haunted swimming pool before in films, night swim was supposed to give us that and instead we got… cheap and cheesy scares with god awful character decision making seriously watch the film and get back to me regarding the decisions they make in this film, thank me later.

I used to be a massive fan of Blumhouse, but after a string of crappy films is it time for this distributor to go bye bye?

Believe it or not but the box office numbers tell a completely different story.

People love them, sure they complain that it’s bad but they love it, as strange the human race is we love a good scare.

In my honest opinion I really do think they need to take a step back, take a good look in the mirror and say “here’s where we’re going wrong” and work on that.

Will it work? Will they come back and regain their control as a powerhouse of horror industry?

Time will tell.

Until next time catch ya later 🙂

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