Author: jadedsteelereviews

I was persuaded by a friend to start my own reviewing blog and so I did, I've always been a movie fan ever since I was little since then I guess I've always wanted to review movies whether their good or bad
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Good Boys: A Kid Friendly Version Of Superbad…. Just Remove The Friendly

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

This movie is kinda like a car crash, you want to look away but can’t. It’s effective in doing that because I a twenty four year old who has a twelve year old brother just like the kids in this flick are, couldn’t even look at the screen… tell a lie I did.

Now my brother has begun secondary school, which for those in the US that’s basically middle school/high school, he has two mates who come round here almost every week, recently they had a sleepover and they had a laugh talking about video games and all sorts, they even head down to the beach and have a laugh and giggle about stuff that happened in school that very same week.

Now your probably wondering why I’m telling you this, trust me it’ll make so much sense now, I can relate to this film on a level that can’t even comprehend.

Good Boys follows three best mates Jacob Tremblay plays Max, a twelve year old boy whose never kissed a girl before, Brady Noon plays Thor who earns the name sippy cup on account that he wouldn’t drink a bottle of beer, and Keith L. Williams who plays Lucas whose parents are going through a divorce.

Now… the jokes/comedy run riot, the naivety of these twelve year olds are hilarious, especially where one of the boys raids his parents belongings and begin to arm themselves against a guy whose coming to purchase a rare card which Lucas owns, this scene in particular is hilarious because of what the boys load up on, anal beads which they assume is nunchucks, another reason why this scene is downright hilarious is because Jacob Tremblay’s character stands in doorway as they greet the potential buyer wearing a gimp mask, I mean a gimp mask, they got a twelve year old boy to wear a gimp mask.

Trust me this film really put me on edge as when I got back from the movies my brother said he’s going out with the two friends as mentioned above, immediately I was panicking, what is he doing, where is he going and what kind of shenanigans are they going to get up too.

I absolutely loved this film, mainly because it’s by the same team who bought us Sausage Party and Superbad, but because of the comedy that ensues during the ninety minute runtime, the jokes come thick and fast, one minute you’ll be wetting yourselves laughing next you’ll be going aww, I give this film a solid 10/10 it’s hilarious and heartwarming but parents be warned as you will be watching your preteens a little closer after viewing this movie, anyway as always catch you guys later 🙂

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A Serbian Film… Yep… I Watched It

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

I feel wrong.

This is by far the most vile movie ever, as I said in my Irréversible review I love foreign cinema, now I heard about this films from various people, and they told me what’s in store for me if I ever decided to watch it, my oh my how I immediately regret watching this film.

A Serbian Film follows an adult film actor who is hired to do various “things” now, I am going to go in to some very very very very very very disgusting material so for the love of all things holy if you suffer from a nervous disposition the please… stop fucking reading!!!!

In a scene the actor is told to perform a sexual act, sounds tame I hear you say ha ha ha I laugh at your naivety ha ha ha!!! No he is asked to perform sex on a new born baby…. yes….. you read that right…. no I am not making that up…. he is asked to perform a sexual act on a newborn fucking baby!!! Oh believe me it gets a whole lot fucking worse!!! How? As I watch you cower in fear and adopt the fetal position! Well soon after he is then asked to perform sex on….. a dead corpse…… no again you read that right…. there’s necrophelia in this god forsaken shitshow.

To make matters worse the end of the film is horrid!!! He’s asked to shag his wife again sounds tame you say it’s not that bad ha ha ha!!! Again I laugh at you…. ha ha ha ha!!!! No let’s throw in there a six year old little boy. Again you read that right! He’s forced to shag his wife and six year old son, angered by this he shoots himself, his wife and son.

The closing line for this movie is when a guy walks in unzips his trousers and to which the director says, start with the young one.

A Serbian Film ladies and gentlemen!!!

Good god almighty I feel dirty I feel wrong, this is by far the most vilest movie I have ever seen, it’s definitely got some shock value in there definitely!!! This movie is fifty shades of wrong! The director should be checked for mental health issues because who in their right mind would even conjure up a movie like this!!! It’s sick!!! Absolutely fucking vile!!! It’s one of them films that stay with you long after the credits have finished rolling, like ewww!!!! This films gets a 0/10 because of the things I’ve seen in that movie are fucking disgusting, do not watch this vile movie!!!! It’s fucking wrong!!!! Like wrong on so many levels… ewww!!!!!! Now if you’ll excuse me I need to wash my eyes!!! Goodbye catch ya fucking later!!!!

*storms off while mumbling under breath*

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Irreversible, one of the most disgusting, brutal, goriest films I have ever seen ever!!!!

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Gaspar Noé is one of them directors where most people haven’t seen his movies, like me I’ve never heard of the guy, but until recently his recent film Climax sparked my attention, after a quick google search of his other filmography I noticed he directed a film called Irréversible, now I love films that cause controversy, mainly cause I love seeing what all the fuss was about, oh how I now believe the old adage curiosity killed the cat!

Irréversible follows Vincent Cassel as he searches Paris for the man who raped his girlfriend, the film is told in reverse chronological order, it starts off with Cassel’s character being carted off on a stretcher with a broken arm, we then he how said arm ended up getting broken, he’s trying to find the bloke who raped his girlfriend, upon seeing a guy he beats him up the guy then breaks Cassel’s arm thus revealing how he broke it, then we get the first of many brutal scenes, one of Cassel’s chums gets a fire extinguisher and savagely and rather brutally bludgeons the poor sods brains in.

We then see the characters savagely beating up a cab driver, then cutting to the characters questioning a sex worker who was the rapists previous victim, hesitant she declines but one of the guys holds a shard of glass to her throat, they are then chased by some really angry sex workers and a couple of guys split up and go different ways, Cassel’s girlfriend Alex is revealed to be in a coma following the rape, he sees her bludgeoned body on a stretcher thus setting up the rest of the film, we then cut to Alex played by Monica Bellucci leaving a party trying to hail a taxi she gives up and goes down an underpass where she comes across the sex worker that Cassel was questioning, she is beaten up by the bloke their trying to search for.

Now I’m gonna stop right there, for those who really don’t like graphic details stop reading now!!! You have been warned!!!! The bloke then attacks Alex and… proceeds to rape her… and yes you see and hear fucking everything, the scene lasts for ten minutes and is uninterrupted it’s all one long continuous shot.

Now this is the reason why the film garnered massive controversy, the rape scene and of course the fire extinguisher scene too, now I love foreign movies I do, but sometimes there’s a film that comes along and shocks the shit outta you, Irréversible is that film, now Gaspar Noé with this film really pulls no punches at all, the scenes are very very hard to watch especially the infamous rape scene, but woah! The cinematography is A plus! The score as well is amazing, I read somewhere that they used low sounding audio to make the viewer feel uneasy and sick, and good god it does the job, from the opening scene your on the edge of your seat from the word go!

To say I liked this film would be wrong, I mean it’s well shot I’m not disputing that, but certain scenes are really really unwatchable, five times I had to turn away and gag, all in all it’s a damn depressing film, and it’s definitely the type of you say “yep I’m only watching that film once” I’d give this film a dare I say it but 8/10.

I’m basing it on the cinematography and the score, nothing else!!! But as always guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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The House That Jack Built…

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Sometimes a film comes along and downright shocks you, films like Human Centipede *shudders* films like A Serbian Film (so many things wrong with that film) but then a film comes along where you can’t decide whether to stop watching and switch it off or keep watching it and see where it takes you, The House That Jack Built is one of those movies and believe as much as I wanted to switch it off I thought NO!!!! I’m not going too, what followed was possibly the most hardest film I’ve had to sit through, number one was my sisters school choir recital… god forbid I never knew kids could turn the colours of the rainbow in to a two and half hour song about what said colours represent.

What a surprise that said film was directed by none other than the king of depression Lars Von Trier… The House That Jack Built not my sisters choir recital, although I would’ve paid to see that, The House That Jack Built follows Matt Dillon through a twelve year serial killing spree, we see him kill women, men and children.

Yep, you heard me, we actually see him kill children. It doesn’t happen off camera no, we see the bloodiness of it all guts and gore the whole Shabang! And out of all the scenes in that film that’s the one that really kept me awake for days, I’m not gonna go in to detail about it but let’s just say it involves two young boys and a high powered sniper rifle (you can work out the rest) the film itself is utterly disturbing as we see Jack become so obsessed with these killings that it makes you wonder and ponder what’s going to happen next, all while your watching through your fingers, you sit there wondering how is this all going to pan out, is he going to get caught.

I must say for the record that Matt Dillon’s performance is absolutely terrifying, he plays the part of Jack so very well that you kinda forget your watching an actor on screen and more like a Netflix true crime docu-series, the most disturbing part was possibly when Jack forces a Mum to feed her dead son pie and rearranges said son’s face giving him a rather grotesque looking smile, I’m not gonna lie but I did walk out at that very part because you will need a strong stomach to sit through that.

The ending however is possibly one of the greatest twists I think I’ve ever seen, Jack has these conversations with a man called Verge, at the end of the film Verge is revealed to be actually Virgil the great roman poet who wrote Dante’s Divine Comedy, in the poem Virgil guides Dante through Hell and Purgatory, this serves as the ending to The House That Jack Built and its executed very very well, Verge is played very very well by Bruno Ganz, the guy who played Adolf Hitler in the amazing film Downfall.

I’ve never really liked Lars Von Trier but I do believe that this is possibly one of his most ambitiously artistic film I’ve seen, and that’s a rare occasion me completing a Lars Von Trier film, all in all I give The House That Jack Built a fair 7/10 it’s ballsy very very ballsy given the fact that we see kids being murdered, but credit goes to Dillon and Ganz’s acting, these two actors gave a performance worthy of an Oscar (Ganz possibly a posthumous Oscar nod on account of his death earlier this year) any way guys I’ll catch ya later 🙂

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The Day After… Unsettling, Depressing and Quite Frankly Really Thought Provoking

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

“I do not know with what weapons world war three will be fought, but world war four will be fought sticks and stones” a famous quote said in 1949 by Albert Einstein, “we cannot have another world war, war is the wrong term, we should ban the word World War Three and say instead apocalypse or holocaust” Golo Mann a famous German historian.

The threat of nuclear war is terrifying in anyone’s eyes, a child’s eyes an old mans even little children like toddlers who watch the news with their parents and ask them questions like “what is a nuclear bomb” my eleven year old brother come up to me and said how deadly is a nuclear bomb, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that if one fell right here where we live it wouldn’t just be catastrophic no, it would deadly, how can you say that to an eleven year old.

The Day After is possibly one of the most important TV movies of the 1980s so much so that broadcasters had to warn viewers because of the depiction of what nuclear bomb can do to a human being (don’t google whatever you do) the film is 126 minutes long and by the time it’s ended your sitting there in silence as the credits roll wondering “good god almighty”

The detail that has gone in to this movie is amazing, however the depiction of the nuclear bombs detonating over Kansas is deeply unsettling, we see the elderly burn and die why my god we even see children be exposed to the nuclear bomb, the final scene is heartbreaking and gut wrenching as one of the characters sends out an emergency distress call by saying “is there anybody out there, anyone at all” we’re then met with static and the film cuts to black.

Like I said The Day After is one of the most important movies out there today, especially in today’s day and age where America has a president who antagonises a ruthless North Korean dictator by stating that his nuclear launch button is bigger than his, scary times indeed.

The Day After gets a 10/10 for its relatively realistic depiction of how a nuclear fallout looks, oh little disclaimer don’t get attached to a character because there is quite a lot of unexpected deaths you’ve been warned.

Give this film a watch but for the love of god don’t watch this with children present for god sake, as always guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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Mom And Dad, Murder… Children In Peril and Nicholas Cage Belting Out The Hokey Cokey

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

He certainly does, I’m not making that up he generally while he’s attempting to kill his children he belts out a rendition of the Hokey Cokey in traditional Nic Cage fashion… oh yeah the film, on with the review!

Mom and Dad stars well Nicholas Cage, Selma Blair, Zackary Arthur and Anne Winters as your typical bog standard suburban family, oh sorry might I add if you feel uneasy about child killing then please stop reading, I’m being serious just stop reading, oh you wanna read on? Well don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

So a mysterious static signal happens and all of a sudden thousands of parents kill their children, think Cell meets Cooties so anyway Selma Blair and Nic Cage attempt to kill their children played by Zackary Arthur and Anne Winters, the children have to attempt to stop their murdering psychopathic parents from doing so.

That’s pretty much it really, now let’s talk about the acting, you know full well what I’m on about yes I’m on about Nic Cage belting out the Hokey Cokey, that scene was the pinnacle highlight for me, I watched that scene for the first time and thought yep, that’s definitely sold it for me. The acting by Selma Blair though it’s pretty damn impressive as well but the real stars of the movie are the children.

They are so believable in this flick, points to them for sure, the older sister is good as is the little boy however, I do think they overdid with the child killing, I mean we see a fucking nine year old little girl get mercilessly wrecked by a meat tenderiser, yep… that happens, we also see a preteen get stabbed by some car keys by his own mother, yep again that happens, the film is billed as a black comedy and I whole heartedly support that statement.

The film has its fair share of gore but then the characters will throw in a witty one liner and you find yourself laughing your ass off, so Mom And Dad is a gory fucking hilarious movie trust me Nicholas Cage’s performance has to be witnessed I’m not making this shit up when I say overacting, I give Mom And Dad a 9/10 it’s brilliant it’s gory and damn hilarious too but as always guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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Basket Case…. It’s Good But It’s Not Quite Carling

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

I love cheesy 70s and 80s horror, films like Sleepaway Camp, you know them sort of movies, those films are good but their not up there with the big boys which makes them enjoyable, because their different they don’t have the same horror tropes we see in today’s horror movies, sure their gory and they have the same shock value but I love the cheesy visual effects, films like Altered States, great film but really bad visual effects, Eraserhead great David Lynch film but cheesy visual effects.

Basket Case falls in to that category I mean I enjoyed it, it was good, thanks to thedevilsdvdbin for suggesting this film, go check out their blog they review some pretty good movies, anyway Basket Case was enjoyable, the effects were sub par and the story line is your bog standard revenge plot, conjoined twins get separated at birth against their will, and plot to get back at the doctor that performed the operation.

What I mean it’s good but not quite Carling is that well, I did enjoy it I really did, but I thought that it was over really fast, the run time of around 90 minutes flies by, this is one of those movies where if your in a rush and your going out and you want a quick movie to watch then Basket Case is the type of movie, I mentioned David Lynch in the first paragraph well this film reminds you of a David Lynch type movie, I’m guessing that the Basket Case’s director drew some sort of inspiration from the Blue Velvet director (that’s another brilliant film definitely check that out)

I give Basket Case a solid 8/10 it’s great just over really really quick in my opinion, again thanks to thedevilsdvdbin for suggesting this to me, this is going on my favourite films of all time list but as always guys catch ya later 🙂

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What The What????

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Most of you on here know my distaste for Eli Roth’s movies basically for those of you who don’t know Eli Roth’s movies they are basically very very disgusting, oh and very very gory as well, I’ve said in many other reviews on here that I can take gore, but Eli Roth’s movies are that of a level that I really cannot tolerate, basically my gag reflex kicks in and I switch off around the forty minute mark.

That being said I watched a few trailers recently and one came up for a film called The House With A Clock In It’s Walls, the film follows a ten year old boy called Lewis (played by Owen Viccario) he goes and stays with his uncle (played by Jack Black) and also his neighbour (played by Cate Blanchett)

*record scratch* yes you heard me… no your hearing does not need to be tested I did in fact say Jack Black and Cate Blanchett, now where was I *furiously looks through notes* ah yes.

Lewis unleashes the undead on a small sleepy town and discovers the truth of why the house has a clock in its walls. Now your now probably wondering what in gods name has this got to do with Eli Roth, oh sorry I should add it’s being distributed by Amblin, you know, that Stephen Spielberg company who made E.T and Jurassic Park yeah them.

Right what I was going to say was Eli Roth is directing it.

No once again your hearing doesn’t need testing yes you heard me correctly Eli Roth is directing a children’s movie…. I’ll say it again…. Eli Roth is directing a children’s movie.

After hearing this I was bemused, I was shocked and I was like wait what? The guy who directed Cabin Fever and Hostel and The Green Inferno is directing a children’s movie, so watching the trailer I thought right here we go the goryness is coming any minute….. now! Any minute now! But alas there is no gore, this actually looks really good it’s like The Spiderwick Chronicles and Goosebumps had unprotected coitus and produced this movie.

The film hits cinemas in September and your damn well right I’ll be there. My god… I’m actually looking forward to seeing an Eli Roth movie…. wow 2018 is proving to be a really really weird year, anyway guys catch ya later 🙂

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Happiness…. One Of The Most Uncomfortable Movies I Have Seen In My Life!!!

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Okay remember when I reviewed Apt Pupil? I said that I had to switch it off after half hour? Yeah well, there’s a new film, and it’s ironically called Happiness… this film is far from it, it’s billed as a black comedy! Really, I admit I have a dark sense of humour but woah nelly this humour was too dark for me!

Happiness follows several stories, but there’s one story in particular that stays with you until the friggin credits roll! Basically it follows a dad and his son (sounds jolly and happy) but the dad has these “sexual desires” basically he has a creepy and down right perverted obsession with this one kid in his sons class, if you get uncomfortable with what I’m about to tell you then please stop reading.

The dad drugs this poor innocent kid while he’s sleeping over and then proceeds to… rape him…. yeah…. that film goes there. Oh did I mention the dad is a pedophile… no oh well he’s a pedophile, he then visits this one kid while his wife thinks he’s at a PTA meeting, he visits this kid whose home alone as his parents are in Europe, and you guessed it he….. rapes this child too…. the kid ends up in hospital and they find he’s been sexually abused, the father confesses this to his eleven year old son to which the son replies “would you ever fuck me” now any normal parent would say “hell no son you are family I would never do that to you ever!” Well the dad replies no, simple answer only to reply “I would jack off to you instead”

What the fuck!!!!! who writes that stuff… Happiness is so bloody uncomfortable it’s actually hard to sit through in some places, it wasn’t enjoyable at all like I said I have a dark sense of humour but fuck me this was too dark.

I give this film 2/10 it’s dark it’s uncomfortable but the way the film is shot is amazing, but as always guys until next time catch ya later! 🙂

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Amityville Horror House

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Not a review but more of a history-cum-unsolved crime post, and it’s an interesting one.

Now for those of you who don’t know about the Amityville house let me tell you, basically you had the DeFeo family that consisted of five members, one of them was Ronald Defeo Jr. he went on a murdering spree and killed all of his family. He shot them with a .35 Marlin Rifle.

This is a Marlin 35 caliber rifle, this is the weapon (not the one pictured) that Ronald Defeo shot his family with. While investigating police discovered something that would soon be puzzling, the family showed no sign of struggle nor were there any sign of poisoning in their system, even the neighbours never heard the gun shots what’s even more puzzling to me is how bloody close the neighbours houses were as seen herelook how close the neighbours houses are, 112 Ocean Avenue is in the middle, what’s even more baffling is the only noise the neighbours heard was the family dog barking.

Baffling isn’t it, but wait there’s more baffling evidence, even the family never heard the gunshots. I’m going to attach a link to a YouTube video that I want you guys to see the video in question is the rifle, just forward it a bit and then you’ll hear the sheer noise of this rifle, watch it and ask yourself… how in gods name did the family/neighbours not even hear the gunshots from this powerful gun https://youtu.be/lGG6n4UGRGY

Judging by the sound it’s amazing that no one heard this at all just the dog barking. I would love to hear your guys thoughts on this and your opinions on this absolutely baffling unsolved mystery. But anyway guys until next time catch ya later

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