Month: Jun 2025

movies, Pop Culture

Move Over Skibidi Toilet… We’re Getting A Backrooms Movie!

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Yes… you heard that right, again really wish I was making that up… but I’m not, it’s real… oh so real.

You may remember a while back when I made a post saying that Michael Bay is making a Skibidi Toilet movie, and that this whole new generation of kids are a different breed, and I’m actually really terrified of them?

They run around saying “bro you got zero aura points and ugh bruh it’s giving this or it’s giving that” and they mention about their drip, which means their outfit… they’d say “yo bruh your drip is lit! Bro gained 10,000 aura points with that drip!”

So while Michael Bay is turning a sentient toilet with a man that only says “Skibidi dob dob dob” a YouTuber named Kane Parsons is making the Backrooms movie.

For those who don’t know who Kane Parsons is let me tell you!

He’s a YouTuber who posts horror shorts, mostly 90s style grainy found footage of someone in an office block type building, danger lurks around every corner and you get the sense you are being watched or followed.

Well… A24 have kindly asked Kane Parsons to direct a feature length movie about the back rooms… supposedly it’s going to star Chiwetel Ejiofor and Renate Reinsve (from the foreign film The Worst Person In The World) it’s going to be produced by Shawn Levy and James Wan.

I’m intrigued as to how they are going to do this… I’m curious as to how they’re going to make a skibidi toilet movie but there you go.

Back when I was a kid we was hooked on a baby biting his brother’s finger… and a cartoon unicorn named Charlie who was dragged along with two other unicorns on crazy wacky adventures.

We loved it, it was entertainment… and now we have a poorly rendered man in a toilet, oh how times change!

Kids of today will appreciate this movie, but us adults? Utter confusion when this film is released!

Parents of Gen Alpha will be confused too… I’m pretty sure their kids have watched Skibidi toilet or have mentioned going in to a car park and said “oh no we’ve gone in to the Backrooms!” While you guys have looked on and just simply said… “Backrooms? It’s a Tesco car park little Jimmy” little Jimmy will probably follow it up with “what the sigma! Bro loses aura points for that hot take!”

Sometimes I really feel like I need a dictionary with these lot… I’m googling new slang words almost… every… day!

So folks you heard it here! Not only is a Skibidi Toilet movie in the works but we now have a Backrooms movie in the works too! Brace yourselves!

Until next time guys, catch ya later! 🙂

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Top ten lists

Top 10 Most Pretentious Directors (That We Secretly Love or Just Endure With Snacks)

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Or: “Why am I watching a man cry into a wheat field for 14 minutes?”

1. Terrence Malick: The Wheat Whisperer

Most Pretentious Moment: A child spinning in a field while whispering about the nature of grace and also possibly God

Vibe: Dior perfume advert but for your soul

Defining Quote: “Walk through the light like you’re remembering someone you never met.”

Acceptable Entry Point: Badlands… the only one where people talk like people

2. Lars von Trier – Chaos in a Beret

Most Pretentious Moment: Graphic genital violence set to opera in Antichrist

Vibe: If misery made films and cried during editing

Defining Quote: “Pain is the only emotion worth filming.” (Not real, but spiritually accurate)

Acceptable Entry Point: Melancholia, where depression is personified as a planet

3. Michael Haneke: Cold, Clinical, and Judging You

Most Pretentious Moment: Rewinding his own movie to punish you for enjoying justice (Funny Games)

Vibe: Emotionless void disguised as high cinema

Defining Quote: “If you’re comfortable, I’ve failed.”

Acceptable Entry Point: Cache… French guilt and surveillance with bonus existential anxiety

4. Charlie Kaufman: Meta Sadness in a Human Suit

Most Pretentious Moment: A man building a replica of New York inside a warehouse inside the play about his life (Synecdoche, New York)

Vibe: A therapy session held inside your frontal lobe during REM sleep

Defining Quote: “I’m thinking of ending things.” A title, a feeling, a lifestyle

Acceptable Entry Point: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind… sad, romantic, and almost normal

5. Darren Aronofsky: The King of Suffering

Most Pretentious Moment: Jennifer Lawrence giving birth to the Messiah in a house that’s a metaphor for Earth (mother!)

Vibe: Religious trauma wrapped in a panic attack

Defining Quote: “If it’s not emotionally devastating, is it even cinema?”

Acceptable Entry Point: Black Swan, ballet, breakdowns, and bird metaphors

6. Andrei Tarkovsky: Slow-Motion Despair from Space

Most Pretentious Moment: A candle being carried through a flooded room in Nostalghia for 9 real-time minutes

Vibe: Watching paint dry, then questioning if you are the paint

Defining Quote: “Time and memory sculpt the soul.”

Acceptable Entry Point: Ivan’s Childhood haunting, beautiful, and actually has a plot

7. Jean-Luc Godard: French, Angry, and Probably Smoking

Most Pretentious Moment: Cutting to black to deliver political slogans mid-scene

Vibe: If a philosophy student made a TikTok about alienation in 1964

Defining Quote: “A story should have a beginning, a middle, and an end… but not necessarily in that order.”

Acceptable Entry Point: Breathless, cool people being detached and French

8. Ingmar Bergman: Existential IKEA Assembly Instructions

Most Pretentious Moment: A knight plays chess with Death. For real.

Vibe: A theology class wrapped in a Swedish blanket of despair

Defining Quote: “God is silent.”

Acceptable Entry Point: The Virgin Spring revenge, guilt, and medieval trauma

9. Ruben Östlund: Satirical and Still Deeply Judgy

Most Pretentious Moment: A yacht captain quoting Marx while guests vomit in Triangle of Sadness

Vibe: “What if capitalism was… gross?”

Defining Quote: “This scene will last longer than your patience — on purpose.”

Acceptable Entry Point: Force Majeure — dad flees from an avalanche, and it ruins his life

10. David Lynch: Weird on Purpose

Most Pretentious Moment: A tiny man dancing backwards in a red room for no reason

Vibe: Dreams after eating something you weren’t supposed to

Defining Quote: “I don’t know what it means. And that’s the point.”

Acceptable Entry Point: The Elephant Man or Blue Velvet, depending on your tolerance for dread

Honourable Mentions:

Yorgos Lanthimos: The deadpan king of weird animal metaphors

Gaspar Noé: “Let’s make the camera do things it legally shouldn’t.”

Terrence Davies: Soft British pain and longing

Harmony Korine: Garbage glamour

Tommy Wiseau: Accidentally pretentious

Final Thoughts:

Cinema doesn’t need to make sense. Sometimes it just needs:

A whispered monologue about death.

A field.

A man named Jan who stares into a puddle for two minutes.

And a title like “On the Fragility of Memory and the Softness of Dying Moss”

And you know what? We’ll watch it.

We’ll complain.

We’ll call it pretentious.

And then… we’ll probably watch it again.

Some of these directors we admire.

Some we endure.

Some we hate-watch while whispering “what the hell is this” into a bag of crisps at 2am.

And that ladies and gentleman is that… that’s the list, if you made it this far without googling “what the hell is Synecdoche New York really about” then well congratulations

Until next time… catch ya later 🙂

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Uncategorized

Fanny And Alexander… Could’ve Been An Email

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

So… I watched Fanny and Alexander. Or rather, I survived Fanny and Alexander.

They tell you this one’s “Bergman’s most accessible”, like it’s some lighthearted Christmas tale with a bit of emotional depth. What they don’t tell you is it starts with baubles and ends with spiritual collapse.

Honestly? It’s like getting invited to a festive buffet and halfway through, someone quietly takes your plate away and starts reading Psalms over your shoulder while your childhood dies in the background.

Act One: Oh this is quite nice?

We open on Christmas. It’s loud, it’s theatrical, it’s vaguely chaotic in a charming old-timey way. People are laughing, drinking, reminiscing… it’s giving A Swedish Muppet Christmas Carol and I was into it.

For about twenty minutes.

Then things took a turn.

Suddenly the fun drains out of the room and we’re locked in the bleakest IKEA catalogue ever printed. And by the time Alexander’s watching ghost children appear in a bishop’s attic, I’m Googling whether Bergman was okay and if I, too, need therapy now.

Act Two: The Film Refuses to End

I don’t mind long films. I’ve watched Yi-Yi, I’ve made it through The Irishman twice I’m no stranger to a slow burn.

But this? This wasn’t a burn. This was emotional waterboarding with candlelight and theatre metaphors. Every time I thought, “Ah, here’s the end,” Bergman whispered “No… no, we’ve still got more emotional suffering to unbox.”

And I still don’t fully understand the puppet stuff. Was it symbolic? Was it haunted? Was it just Sweden being Sweden?

My biggest takeaway?

This entire plot could’ve been resolved in a passive aggressive family WhatsApp thread.

“Hi all, just a quick one, the bishop is emotionally abusing the kids. We’re moving out. Fanny says hi x”

Done. Roll credits.

Final Thoughts:

Do I regret watching it? No. It’s one of those “I watched it so you don’t have to” situations. Did I connect with it? Honestly, not really. Felt like I was intruding on a private therapy session filmed in candlelight.

Could it have been an email? Absolutely.

In Courier font, with no attachments.

If Fanny and Alexander is the festive art-house classic, then I’m the kid in the corner staring into the middle distance wondering when the biscuits arrive.

Now credit where credit is due, this is considered one of Bergman’s best, and I can see why.

It’s layered, it’s theatrical… it’s got a haunted puppet man for some reason.

I just think they cram so much into its three and a half hour runtime… and even more in the five-hour version… if you really hate yourself and have nowhere to be that is!

I’ll give a three out of ten, I can see why people like it and I can see why it’s Bergman’s best but… it’s just not for me, I watched it and I can now say “yeah I’ve seen Fanny and Alexander… didn’t rate it”

Until next time guys… catch ya later 🙂

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