Month: Dec 2017

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Clown, A Disgusting, Disturbing And Down Right Gory Ass Horror Flick

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

There’s a certain amount of gore I can take when it comes to horror movies, films like Final Destination I’m okay with, films like the Saw franchise I will not touch, then there’s Clown it’s produced by Eli Roth so you kinda get the feeling that it’s going to be disgusting, now it is disgusting but it’s disgusting in a way that makes me feel really uncomfortable, firstly I can take adults dying in horror films any day…. that sounded a lot better in my head but let me explain…. films like Final Destination I like because it doesn’t involve children dying in gruesome ways, that’s something I can’t take… at all like never.

Clown follows the story of a simple family man whose 10 year old son Jack is having birthday party, the clown they’ve hired has been double booked and cancels last minute, the dad finds an old clown costume in the house he’s trying to sell, so he goes home and entertains the children, only to fall asleep in the costume and wakes up with the costume fused to him, he try’s removing the nose but ends seriously injuring himself.

Now after this part he starts transforming in to a demon clown, he checks in to a motel where possibly one of the most adorable kid ever comes across him he offers to give him some food after hearing his stomach growl really loud, he tells the kid to simply stay away, the kid however come back while the dad is buzz sawing off his wig… now this is the first death we see, and while we see it offscreen we hear the saw blade rip through the little boy only seeing the exit wound it has left, immediately I thought oh it’s one of them movies where children die, great. After awhile we see the dad go through some really gruesome body changes, and a hunger for children,

His next port of call is an 11 year old boy who is home alone playing Xbox, he knocks over his drink and goes to get something to wipe it up, after seeing the back door open he goes and grabs some nunchucks, there he sees the clown and wonders why he’s there, we hear from his friend online that he bullied his son by rubbing glue in his face and calling his dad a fag because he dressed like a clown, he is then ripped apart by the clown and we hear offscreen the bloodcurdling scream from the boy and see what I’m guessing is a liver or his kidneys thrown at the TV… yep this film goes there with the gore factor, his next port of call is a place where every parent in America dreads to go Chuck-E-Cheese, we see a kid be dragged down like freakin jaws in to a ball pit, and then a boy is looking for his brother, he goes up the soft play area only to find his brother being eaten almost, just in the nick of time his brother gets away, only for him to be eaten alive by the killer clown, we see his body flung in to view and then his hand comes sliding down the slide in full view of kids and parents.

The mum ends up shooting the clown with the help of a guy she met but that part isn’t important we her the backstory of why the clown eats kids and all that, but anyway this film… wow there’s so many deaths I really didn’t enjoy it, I mean these kids die in the most horrific way possible it’s uncomfortable for me to of watched that, I personally want to know what the director was actually smoking or even thinking about in order to come up with this movie, it was horrible to watch, the acting was great however and the suspense was good too just the deaths seemed a little too much, I give this film a 3/10 it’s horrific seeing children die in movies and this film wastes no time in killing them.

Anyway guys that’s it from me see ya in the new year but as always until next time catch ya later 🙂

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Technology Has It Gotten Worse Or Has It Improved

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Again I’m not reviewing a movie I am once again tackling something that really grates on me… technology, I.e iPhones and iPads smartphones and silly gadgets that help improve your smartphone screen… why am I bringing this up, because I watched a video recently titled “pictures to make you feel old” and on there was photos of gadgets I had when I was knee high to a grass hopper…. Christ did I just really say that damn I am old.

I was born in 1995 on a Valentine’s Day one of the most romantic times of the year… still single…. anywho technology since the year I was born has changed dramatically, we’ve had iPod touches and iPhones galore, since then everyone has become a screen zombie, I watched a film recently called Cell waste of time to be honest with you it was crap, in that film hackers hack in to phones and make people turn in to bloodthirsty rabid foaming-at-mouths zombies, and it got me thinking…. damn that’s scary, think about it we use our phones everyday and night, we listen to music on them, heck we even watch videos of funny cats, but the reason I’m talking about this is because we’ve gotten so attached to our screens that we don’t even know what’s going on around us.

Who remembers the good old days when Tamagotchi’s were dominating the playground and the indestructible Nokia phone was cracking pavements and VHS tapes were still a thing. Story time… I recently had someone come up to me with a video cassette in hand and I kid you not this kid said to me “where’s the screen so I can watch the film” let me tell you I was shocked, children are the future, they could be future leaders and politicians future scientists finding the cure for cancer, but sadly technology is stopping them from achieving that, I was at a party and every single child was on their phone, worst of all they were bloody texting each other, their in the same bloody room.

This brings me on to another subject and that’s couples, couples should be talking with another getting to know one another, but recently I’ve seen couples constantly on their phone, instagramming it up adding filters to their food… okay I admit I do this but I take one photo put it away and edit it when I get in. I was in the cinema recently watching Jumanji 2 (review coming soon) and all I could see was the glow emanating from smart phones, one woman even had her ringtone blare out at one pivotal part of the film, your out with your family put the phone away, communicate with each other, spark up a conversation with a stranger, just get off your phone… okay rant over so until next time guys catch ya later 🙂

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Bullying

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

Sadly I’m not reviewing a movie at all today I’m here writing about something that has been floating around the internet as off last week and the week before, as you are aware the controversy surrounding a boy in Texas has many people questioning if this is an actual kid who made a video because he was getting bullied by kids in his school or was it something racially motivated… yeah it’s that kind of story… this is the story of Keaton Jones.

Keaton posted a video online earlier this month crying his eyes out saying that the kids in his school are bullying him, so after the video went viral thousands upon thousands of celebrities gave support to this kid even Captain America’s Chris Evans came out and offered Keaton tickets to The Avengers Infinity War premier next year… then after a week of support things started coming to light i.e. Keaton’s mum’s Facebook posts, her children posing with the Confederate flag, which to people who don’t know this but most people believe it to be a sign of racism and slavery back in the day. When this came out everybody and I mean everybody on Facebook and Twitter voiced their outcry at this, a celebrity came out and posted a picture of a conversation between him and Keaton’s mum stating that she only wants money nothing else, alarm bells started ringing when this came out, and thousands of people turned on Keaton, calling him racist, calling him really awful names, and comparing him to sloth from the goonies.

Why am I writing about this your wondering because these are rumours people need to stop jumping on the bandwagon, his sister has come out and denied the allegations about the racism but people are quick to judge because of just one picture they saw on the internet, the mum has come out and publicly apologised stating that she and her children are not racists. But people still don’t believe him and his mum, and I think it’s horrible, to believe rumours spread by other people and jumping on the bandwagon. I am writing this because I hate bullies and I hate bullying of any shape or form, as someone who has been bullied before it’s not nice hearing stuff like this, I also read another thing, this from a YouTube video I watched recently titled boy had fidget spinner removed from finger… I clicked on it and he comments I saw were horrific, one user saying I hope he gets cancer because he owns a fidget spinner. Another said that he looked ugly and deserved to die, and this comment… this comment made me angry to the point I replied to the user and let rip at what he said.

What did he say I hear you cry, he said “mine craft top fidget spinner and long hair classic autistic child”… I have autism… and to hear people say that is heartbreaking, it got worse “if I had autism I would kill myself” “autistic kids deserve to die” “Fuck kids with autism they should all die”… that’s heartbreaking to read, as someone who has autism to hear someone say that is heartbreaking, it’s sad, and down right disrespectful, as I said in my Wonder review choose kind, and I have chosen kind and to hear to people say these things is hard to read, as I said before I hate bullies I hate bullying in any shape or form, verbal, physical, mental, and emotional bullying I hate it, and I urge people to speak up and tell people if they are being bullied if they see anyone being bullied tell someone, and if you are being bullied there are so many helplines and centres to go to and get help.

Let’s put an end to bullying, let’s end bullying once and for all, the world would be a much happier place if people stopped bullying each other and just got along, any way guys my apologies for making this post so depressing I just want to get a message out there to people who are getting bullied, just a few weeks ago a 10 year old girl committed suicide… 10! 10 years old and she killed herself just 10 years old and her life was cut short by bullies so please if you see anyone or know anyone who is getting bullied tell someone, tell a teacher or your parents. Anyway guys until next time catch ya later

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Films That Dramatically, Epically Failed In 2017

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

2017 in my opinion was a great year for movies, we had adaptions, sequels and more reboots than you can shake a bucket of popcorn at, but that doesn’t mean that we’ve had some films that have flopped immensely this year, from dismal summer blockbusters to even more dismal winter openings, 2017 has had its fair share of epic flops, today we look back at just some of those films.

TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGT

I loved the Transformers films when they came out before the 2010s but since then they have gotten more and more terrible, I had the displeasure of seeing this at the cinema back in the summer this year, Michael Bay really needs to get back in track with making original films like his Armageddon and Bad Boys days, but hey ho he’s probably going through a really bad dry spell, the film lost around 40 million in the US box office but succeeded overseas, it’s a shame because Anthony Hopkins was wasted on this film, such a great actor in such a horrible film.

GEOSTORM

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…. that’s what I have to say nothing else to it, okay you ready for the plot because believe me it’s laughable, you ready here we go… the government have created satellites for one purpose hahahahahaha you won’t believe what for, come closer I’ll tell ya… no seriously come closer to your screen *whispers… they use the satellites to control the weather by sending little pods from space down to earth…. yep oh and guess who saves the day… none other than Scotland’s very own action movie superhero who always saves the day, Gerard Butler…

The film earned an abysmal 13 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, and for good reason to, the film was held back for various reshoots, when Jerry Bruckheimer came aboard, but alas he couldn’t save the film from scathing early reviews by the general public, you would think a film like that would’ve been pulled from release, but no they went ahead with the reshoots, and released it this year in October, the film performed miserably at the box office raking in a small amount of money.

BLADE RUNNER

“But Blade Runner was praised by critics” “it was a box office success” I hear you cry, but just like it’s predecessor it flopped dramatically, lack of marketing for this film was the main cause, plus it’s runtime clocking in at 163 minutes that’s nearly 3 hours, personally I liked it, it followed the original Blade Runner to a T but audiences were mostly at the cinema watching other movies rather than this one, but still, the original Blade Runner fans enjoyed.

POWER RANGERS

I was really looking forward to this early this year and I was so let down by how awful this movie was, Power Rangers was and still is my childhood, and swarms of nostalgia flowed through me during the trailers, it looked epic, however the pacing was terrible they spent so much time getting to know the characters rather than focus on the Power Rangers, they don’t even get in to their uniform until there’s 20 minutes of the film left, the film suffered massive blows nationwide in America and overseas and earned a dismal low rating on Rotten Tomatoes, looks like we won’t be getting the sequel to this bomb any time soon.

THE MUMMY

I love a good Tom Cruise film, however The Mummy was pretty much his worst, the film once again like Power Rangers it earned terrible reviews by critics, the film was supposed to launch a Dark Universe franchise but sadly poor reviews and a dismal box office run made the franchise nothing but an afterthought, so longtime Mummy fans will have to wait a teensy bit longer to see a franchise dawn from this.

GHOSTS IN THE SHELL

Oh boy this was a doozy, based on the critically acclaimed anime of the same name Ghosts In The Shell was surrounded by controversy right from the get go, mainly for the “whitewash” casting, the film starred Scarlett Johansson and earned really embarrassing reviews with critics, anime fans and movie goers started saying things about the casting mainly it’s lack of Japanese stars, since it’s well based off of an anime made in Japan.

MOTHER!

Darren Aronofsky, possibly one of Hollywoods underrated directors in my opinion, his visually stunning film The Fountain and his biblical epic Noah didn’t do well at the box office mainly because people didn’t like the religious themes, Mother! Done exactly the same thing and went all biblical on your ass, sadly a 60% rating on rotten tomatoes and poor box office sales sadly let mother slip in to the rank of box office bomb considering the cast of Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem.

So as you can see there have been some great movies this year and some major flops so with that theblakentorreviews would like to say a massive merry Christmas and here’s to a great 2018 but until next time guys catch ya later 🙂

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Suburbicon: A Confusing Pile Of Rubbish Possibly The Coen Brothers And George Clooney’s Worst Film

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

I was really looking forward to this movie, I love Matt Damon, he’s one of them actors where you can put him in any role and he will nail it every time, Suburbicon is possibly one of the worst films he has ever done I mean don’t get me wrong, he is great in this film but the film is a big pile of confusing plot holes.

Matt Damon plays a family man with a wife (Julian Moore) and son (Noah Jupe) and his wife’s sister (also played by Julian Moore) when a black family move in next door to them things in this peaceful idyllic town take a turn for the worst, Matt Damon’s home is invaded by two guys who tie up his family and give a dose of good old chloroform, but they accidentally give the wife an overdose and she dies, the sister then quickly becomes the sons guardian and second mum, but as the film goes on she starts to become more like the wife including dying her hair blonde just like the mum.

There’s also a murder mystery plot somewhere but the film is just really confusing to follow, I.e there’s to many things going on at once to follow what’s going on, but nonetheless the acting is awesome Matt Damon is great as is Julianne Moore as the deranged lunatic sister Noah Jupe is great in this as well as the son, the setting is amazing, George Clooney does capture the fifties suburbia really well, it’s just the plot that lets this film down dramatically, final rating 5/10 the acting is great and so is the setting just the plot is a big letdown anyway guys until next time catch ya later 🙂

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Justice League: It’s Good But It’s Not Quite Carling

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

It’s okay, I myself am a DC fan but I’m more of a Marvel fanboy to be quite honest with you, but nonetheless the film was okay even if you get past the corny CGI fight scenes.

I was quite looking forward to this movie and like Suicide Squad I built it up and built it up, when I went to see it I was severely disappointed, it was such a letdown Justice League is the same, I built it up and when went to see it I was again severely disappointed, the film is long and dull the CGI is terrible and the plot is awful, I love Zach Snyder, go watch Watchmen that’s a great film, but my god this is possibly one of the films that I dislike of his, Batman vs Superman was great sure it had its flaws but it was great.

The acting was great, I forgot to mention that, the guy who plays The Flash was hilarious and the guy who played Aquaman was good as well, I’m still having second thoughts about Ben Affleck and Batman though, I can’t get used to it, no one can ever replace Christian Bale as Batman, but hey ho a new actor comes and goes all the time, I can’t exactly remember the plot because I was that bored, I was more focused on the awful CGI, anyway Justice League, it’s good but it’s not quite Carling if you get my drift, I mean it’s good but not that good I’ll give Justice League a 3/10 it’s okay but not the best, but until next time guys catch ya later 🙂

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Wonder… One Of The Most Heartbreaking Films That Every Parent Needs Their Children To See

Posted on by jadedsteelereviews

A film needs a good moral, take Disney, they have really good morals like believe in yourself and dreams can come true if you make them, Wonder has one of them morals that every parent needs to teach their children choose kindness, I speak from the heart with this one and this film affected me in way that no film has ever done before, I felt connected to the story because I have a brother who had a cleft lip and palate, and he went through so many surgeries to repair it that he’s left with a permanent scar on his lip, and on top of that he has ginger hair, a trait that bullies just adore, he’s ten going on eleven and he is everything to me, I love him more than anything in the world, as irritating as he may be he is still my brother and I am grateful to have him in my life.

I felt emotional during this movie mainly because of my brother but mostly due to the fact that this film tackles bullying a lot, something that I have been through in my childhood and all the way up until I was sixteen, I was bullied in primary school by a boy whose name I shall not mention but he made my life a living hell, he would throw my coat down the toilet, throw it in the girls bathroom, punch, kick and hit me, but the worst thing he did was made me out to look invisible to the whole class, no one would talk to me and I felt like an outsider to my class, exactly how Auggie feels in the movie.

Secondary school was a whole new kettle of fish, as this was the first time I had heard the word rumour, there were rumours about me left right and centre, year seven I was picked on by another boy, he would make me paranoid about the littlest things… okay I went to a special needs school and when you have special needs you take things quite literally, for instance year 9 came and the summer holidays were upon us, I spent every single day up in my room because this kid said he spoke to the headteacher/principal of the school and they were going to put me in the mental hospital, he said expect any day from now an ambulance coming for you. Summer 2009 was the worst summer ever because I was very very paranoid, so much so I developed a fear of ambulances, because I thought they were taking me away, and to this day I still do have a fear of ambulances, while not as big as when I was fourteen/fifteen the fear is still there.

Year 11 was the year I finally stood up to him (yeah it took me five years) I would just ignore him and if he said anything I would ignore him until it became such an issue with him, I remember this day like it was yesterday, because this was the day I found out why he bullied me for five years… he felt sorry for me!!!! I remember looking at him thinking “well that’s an odd way of showing someone that you feel sorry for them”

I have never spoken about this at all for years now that I’ve got it down in writing, parents I’m speaking to you, show your children this, talk to them make them feel like they have nothing to worry about, let them tell you everything word from word if they are getting bullied, and kids I say this, stand up! Stand up to the bullies who are picking on you because of what you look like or your hair colour or your fashion sense, stand up to those bullies and say I’m not afraid of you, you have nothing to worry about with bullies they are nothing don’t let them ruin your education, don’t take days off because the bully says he/she’s going to beat you up tomorrow, don’t fake being ill say something, say something to your parents, teachers, friends, family and even the headteacher/principal talk to any members of staff, they are there to help.

But most importantly choose kind, choose kindness, go out and do a good deed be friendly to people make someone’s day, this film teaches you to be kind and the moral is fantastic in this film, there’s a great quote that Julia Roberts’s character says in this film “your heart is the map to where you are going, the scars on your face is the map to where you’ve been” that is now my favourite quote of all time thanks to this film, trust me there’s more amazing quotes like “why blend in when you were born to stand out”

I give wonder a massive 10/10 the message in this movie is amazing and relatable to children who have been through bullying the acting is superb, massive praise for Jacob Tremblay who plays Auggie Pullman he does an outstanding job in this film as does the other cast members in this flick, but parents do me a massive favour show your children this film and get them to choose kindness, and if their being bullied talk to them. Until next time guys catch ya later 🙂 🙂 🙂

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